RIP Michael Clarke Duncan

Friday, March 30, 2012

American Reunion holds a special place in my heart


I am very much looking forward to American Reunion. The original was my Senior Class movie. Meaning that American Pie was a movie about kids coming of age and graduating in 1999. Well I graduated in 1999.

Oh God, did that just horribly date me?


It doesn't, I just really liked this pic.

I grew up in a lucky era where awesome movies like Can't Hardly Wait (1998, and yet another movie I could relate to) and American Pie came out. It was like the late nineties version of the the John Hughes era) But picture me awesome when the movie that was probably the most relatable of all built a franchise.

American Pie 2 was good and American Wedding was okay. Never watched any past that, but how awesome is it that American Reunion is coming with all of the cast members back in play? I think it speaks VOLUMES of the world we live in and of the miracles of modern medicine that most of the cast look like they haven't aged a day.

Still, I think there's something oddly strange yet totally predictable while being heart-warming that I could relate to these characters when I was graduating High School and I can relate to them now. In a very real sense of the word, I have grown up with these characters, and all the things they are going through have always been what me and my friends are going through because they are locked in our age grouping. That being said, none of us have ever danced naked on the internet, and/or superglued our penises to ourselves...

Just saying...

Either way, I'm excited. Maybe I'm biased...but it should be fun! And here's to American Mid-Life Crisis, sure to be the next installment!



Anchorman 2 announced!!!


Without further adieu (after too many years waiting):




Better late than never!

Raising your awareness: Lockout


Can't nail it on the head, but Lockout looks like an amazing time at the theatre.

I hear the term "popcorn flick" all the time. The problem is that it usually denotes a mind-numbing time at the cinema devoid of anything interesting or relevant. It's an excuse to see a crappy CGI-fest. Personally, MY definition of a popcorn flick has something a bit more than just massive set-pieces and stupid stunts. In my day, a movie like Total Recall was a popcorn flick. But yet, that movie is as thought-provoking as it is fun. I think that still holds true today.

There is a difference between a popcorn flick and legitimizing absolute mindless bullshit. Wrath of the Titans is mindless bullshit. Lockout looks to be a damn good popcorn flick.

Why?

Well first off, the movie is being produced and co-written by Luc Besson. You know, the guy behind the Fifth Element, Leon: The Professional, Taken, and the Transporter just to name a few. Sure for every Revolver, there's a Hitman (heh - tell me that wasn't brilliant), but regardless the guy has a good batting average.

Add to this Guy Pierce in a science-fiction adventure piece where he's playing the macho hero and I'm ALL GAME.

Enough with the sports motif? Okay...

Lockout has been accused by some fanboys of being an Escape From New York rip-off. And while the similarities are definitely there, I can't help but answer that this looks WAY entertaining. We've all been calling for John Carpenter to make another Escape movie, and indeed, Hollywood has been attempting to get a reboot off the ground, so in the wake of utter and total failure, I don't mind this pseudo-re-hash.

Lockout is coming, give it a shot:



Game of Thrones: Final Boarding Call

So this Sunday kicks off Season 2 of Game of Thrones (or as the geeks like myself call it, a Clash of Kings). If you don't have HBO, get it. If you don't want to get HBO, buy Game of Thrones Season 1 on DVD or Blu-Ray. And then get HBO. If you have HBO, watch it!




Oh also, I don't know about you, but I pledge my allegiance to House Stark:




But I really want a union between my house and Danaerys':



Marry me: Elisha Cuthbert




Man oh man, right off the bat there is just something about this woman's facial features that hit all the right spots for me and I find her to be EXTREMELY gorgeous. Everything else is just extra credit.

See, I'm a face man. This allows me to love all the many different types, forms, and figures that a woman's body can hold. Sure I love boobs, but they're not necessary...but it's extra credit if you got 'em. Elisha is the type of woman who could walk into a room and I'm already taken, the fact that she's got a ton going for her besides that lovely kisser is all just extra credit. The less we talk about her boobs and body the less I'll sound like a stalker, so moving on!

Then she drop kicks me in the nuts with a stellar personality and talent to boot. Goddamn it.

My first OFFICIAL introduction to Elisha (I think I might have seen her on a few episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark when I was a kid) was with the first season of 24 (I'm a massive 24 fan, btdubs). As Kim Bauer (the extremely reckless and slightly thoughtless daughter to Jack Bauer) she ran a tour de force of hotness on the show that also showed she was a good enough actress to keep around for a few seasons. Personally, I'd have liked to see her on the show more, but I feel she was written off more for the sake of Jack's character than anything else. It just didn't always make sense to have her there if she WASN'T the damsel in distress...and how many times can you realistically play up that angle?

But then came the Girl Next Door...




After watching the flick, I was quite surprised that Hollywood didn't blow down this girls door. It's rare to find an actress that is beautiful, talented, and charismatic. Elisha is all this and more...if you're reading this, gorgeous, I have not even yet begun to praise you...and if you're not reading this, Elisha's friends, tell her about this because I'm proposing here.

After the Girl Next Door, Ms. Cuthbert sort of dropped off my radar. I was slightly aware of the House of Wax movie she made with Paris FUCKING Hilton and then she was with a hockey player or something and had a couple spots on 24 as Kim Bauer once again (which I was extremely grateful for), but then nothing that I was aware of. I'm sure she kept busy, she just must have been doing stuff I wasn't aware of.

However, then came Happy Endings.




Admittedly, I only started watching Happy Endings this year in it's second season (thank you cousin, Mikey) but I will forever be indebted to the show and maybe to my cousin as well for bringing back the lovely, talented, and awesomely hilarious Elisha Cuthbert back into my life.

You see this show serves if nothing more than to showcase the comedy talents of my blushing bride to be. I always knew she was a good actress, but I didn't know she was so frakkin' funny. And not only is this show amazingly witty on it's own, but Cuthbert brings home the laughs time after time. Of course the whole cast is great, but man, it's so rare to find someone so insanely sexy to be so phenomenally funny as well.

I also gotta say that too many of the guys that Elisha finds herself with on-screen remind me of myself (totally devoid of vanity here - because that's not always a compliment unto me). So maybe she responds to a certain type of leading man when she's reading her scripts...leading men like me...studly, and sexy. One could argue that this whole time she's just been looking for ME. 

Regardless, the rarity of such an uncommon beauty like Elisha is the stuff of myth and fantasy...but yet she's real. Therefore I formally ask for her hand in marriage. I await her response.

At least until the next Marry me: installment.

Also, had myself a moment like this once, we should all be so lucky:



Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Hunger Games review




Hollywood has a long and sad history of taking beloved properties and making horrible films, or at least, horrible adaptations. This happened for many different reasons. Sometimes the original owner just wanted to make a quick buck and didn't really care what the studios did with the project. Other times the studios would probably think that the property wasn't as loved as it may have been and felt they could mold it into something more to their liking. Usually, it all stemmed from ego. How else can you explain a costume designer changing a character's costume needlessly if not because they think they can do something better or want to do something that's theirs? How else can you explain a director adding scenes of his own or subtracting or even altering a fan-favorite scene so much that it doesn't resemble the source material at all?

Ego.

Thankfully, things have gotten better over the last decade or two. I credit the internet for this. Thanks to the easily accessible availability of email, chat rooms, forums and blogs, people can make their bitching heard. I think Hollywood is both annoyed by this (in the sense that they don't want to hear the whining when they fuck up) and afraid of the organization of it. Look at the Harry Potter series and the amazing fan base that it had just from the books. If Warner Bros. had significantly messed up the first installment, there's no WAY the series would have been able to progress the way that it had while being as financially successful as it is.

It took decades for Hollywood thick-skulls to learn something they should have already known: please your built-in fan base. Why change so much about something and piss off the one thing you got going for you - the fans? Obviously if you're telling a story that's already loved by so many there is something THERE for all to love. Give that story the respect it deserves and you will be opening that SOMETHING to a wider audience who will then embrace it and love it just as much as the fans that were already there.

This brings us to the Hunger Games which remains an extremely faithful adaptation. But it's not without it's flaws.

If you don't know by now, the Hunger Games is the first installment in a trilogy of books that takes place in a far-future dystopian North America. The country that exists there now is called Panem. It's broken up into 12 Districts and every year each district must send one boy and one girl between the ages of 12-18 to fight in an outdoor arena until only one remains. The story revolves around Katniss Everdeen, a young girl who lives in the poorest District of Panem. For some time she has had to scrape out a living for her family by hunting in illegal woods since her father died and her mother has become somewhat catatonic. When her younger sister is selected for the Hunger Games, Katniss volunteers in her place and the rest is the film and/or book.

I could write a TON about this story and what makes it so good. And I've written at least one article detailing why and how it should never be brought up in the same sentence or Hell, even paragraph when talking about Twilight. There are some heavy themes and deep concepts being told her. This is not fluff and soap-opera drama. This is a powerful coming-of-age story amidst depression and rebellion. It's about hope and courage. With Katniss, we have a heroine to look up to. Someone who is strong and self-reliant. She has her flaws but that only works in her favor because it makes her a real person. The concept of the Capitol as the U.S. and the poor Districts as the third-world nations of our time is weighted stuff. The people in the Capitol have it pretty good, the rest really don't, just because they're born where they are born? This is a thought we can all relate to and you cannot analyze this sort of interpretation from barmy material.




So I'm not exactly an impartial reviewer here. I hold the books in very high-esteem and it's hard for me to disconnect the film from the book. Especially because so much is done right. But before I get to that, let me explain what was wrong.

In this aspect there are really only two things I want to talk about. The first being that when you get so much right the question becomes why didn't you get EVERYTHING right. This might sound a bit spoiled or have me coming off as nit-picky. But seriously, it's like eating a meal that's great and suddenly the last few bites are bad, how does that happen? This is purely a critical problem from the perception of one having read the book, so it won't apply to you if you haven't followed the series. That's why I'll just end it with the quick notion that when you get such trivial things right but then either fuck up emotionally powerful moments or omit them entirely, it makes me feel like you tripped up. You missed the point. I'm glad the costumes and settings look great, but couldn't you have gotten a very important character's death scene PERFECT if you were going to do all the rest? This goes back to EGO...but I digress.

The second problem I had with this film, and this one is a BIGGIE, is the shaky-cam stuff. I was over the whole shaky-cam action set-piece back with the Bourne series. And that's really where this technique blew up. I get it, I totally understand it in theory. It's a great theory - DOESN'T. FUCKING. WORK. There is just no practical way to make the audience feel like they are physically in the scene. Until we have holodecks, the best way to get the audience to feel like they are in the movie is to get good performances from your actor's, have relatable material, and most importantly, let the audience see what is going on. When I can't tell what's happening or who is who in an action scene I immediately lose interest...as does most if not all the audience. If I can't tell what's going on why would I care? Because you're shaking the camera to make me feel like I'm there? 'Fraid not, just looks like you're shaking the camera like an asshat and shit is blurry. I know there are some people out there who would try to defend this technique, but it's rank amateur directing. Sorry, it is. It's a director that is overcompensating for something. Probably his lack of faith in himself to shoot a proper action sequence.

I was so upset about this aspect of the film that the thought has crossed my mind that if Gary Ross directs the second installment of this series (called Catching Fire), I might have to bow out.

So with the bad stuff out of the way...what was done right?

Well first off, I felt the casting was pitch-perfect from start to finish. I especially loved the inspired casting of Lenny Kravitz as Cinna. He truly embodied the character and the quiet charm and reserve that he holds along with his relationship with Katniss was very wonderfully transplanted onto the screen.

The music was good, and the visuals and characterization were spot-on. The world that was brought to life here was rich, interesting and beautiful - even when things were not so bright, shiny, and happy. Yes, done right, the gloom can be beautiful. Tim Burton made his career out of that idea.

Most importantly, and this is another long-winded part, the movie captured the essence of the book. This is something that is very hard to do and it does not like to be detailed, analyzed and/or discussed. It is something that lacks a formal explanation. It's a feeling. The soul of this story/book exists within this movie, and that is an amazing thing. In many ways, I feel that often I wouldn't mind a movie screwing over a book so much as long as it captured the spirit of the story. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for extremely faithful adaptations (of almost everything), but on the flip side, you can have a strong adaptation that lacks the soul of the book (I'm looking at you David Yates directed Harry Potter movies) and that's almost as jarring as the movie that lacks the soul AND the proper content.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie, and I think most everyone will. Those who have read the books will have mixed feelings but will generally love it. Those who haven't read the books will probably love it even more than the rest of us...until they read the books.

Maybe I am acting a bit spoiled. After all, I can remember a time in film history when Katniss would've been made a 30 year-old man and the Hunger Games would've been a life-sized strategic-board game like Battleship or some stupid shit. The movie would be full of weird techno music and Madonna would have song some stupid theme song that gave her a pointless cameo. David Bowie would have been President Snow (yes, with his Labyrinth cod-piece) and Muppets would've been the Muttations. Wait a minute, that last part doesn't sound so bad.

It's possible I just want to have my cake and eat it too, but I really don't think it's asking for too much to have a seriously powerful moment that a lot of things hinge on done right for the film when you're getting a character's eyelid make-up color perfect. Cinna wears gold make-up on his eyes. Sure they got this, but missed some of the important stuff. The non-readers won't notice this...but I did.

And, naw, I don't think I'm being unreasonable.


8 / 10

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Casa de Mi Padre review




Will Ferrell is, like all great comedians, a true chameleon. To go from SNL to movies like Old School and then turn around and do a movie like Stranger than Fiction takes true talent. It's an old idiom, but it remains true enough to be said again that, "drama is easy, comedy is hard". If you can make your living cracking people up in various forms of comedy you're practically already an award-winning actor even IF you've never been nominated.

Casa de Mi Padre is a truly remarkable experiment. One that succeeds, BTDUBS.

I guess at this point in his career, Ferrell doesn't really have any reason to fear failure so why not try something insane and risky? IMO, making an R-rated, Spanish-speaking film with English subtitles and having Will Ferrell as the title star is the epitome' of risk-taking.

Of course there isn't a ridiculously bloated budget here to be concerned with but still...I was slightly surprised no one cried racism or took offense to what Ferrell and company were doing (not that they should - people are just so damn touchy these days).

Regardless, the risks paid off. Casa de Mi Padre is a fun movie. It revels in the ludicrous and takes great pains to dive into the absurdity that it is.

However, I wouldn't go into this movie expecting to laugh out loud constantly. It's an odd hybrid that is almost a high-brow comedy while reveling in the stupidity of the subject matter. Even when I wasn't laughing, I found myself enjoying the movie and smiling at the mockery that was created. Almost everything is played straight, but the world that these characters find themselves in is such a bizarre, overly-dramatic, 70's style Spanish soap-opera romance that the ridiculousness of it all is what has you in stitches. You have to jump on board that ship as soon as it starts sailing. If you can't, you'll be lost without a paddle. Straight up.


Can't believe I just used 'straight up' in a sentence...


My only criticism (and a minor one at that) is that while the flick knows what it is and is doing everything it does with absolute purpose, I felt that the craziness could have been pushed EVEN further. Everything is so tongue-in-cheek, why not go balls-to-the-walls and really make the set-ups, the story, and the dialogue even MORE INSANE?

For me, that's the only "problem" with this movie. It just could have been pushed a little bit more into the world of ridiculous.


7 / 10

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Hunger Games is NOT Twilight!


For a while now friends have been trying to get me to read the Hunger Games. For those who don't know, it's a trilogy set in the future in a dystopian America that is so far removed from us it's not even called America anymore. In this world there are no States but Districts, 12 Districts that must send one boy and one girl under the age of 18 into the Hunger Games each year to fight to the death in a large outdoor arena.

The main reason I was very resistant to reading this series was that people were comparing it to Twilight as well as referring to it as the next big young-adult book series. But mostly it was pronounced as the next Twilight-like series. 

I just finished the first book last night.

And I almost want to physically hurt anyone that compares this to the Twilight series.

I'm not going to go too much into my general dislike of all things Twilight because honestly, when speaking of the Hunger Games, a story that is far more powerful and engaging, Twilight simply cannot hold a candle to it and is unworthy to be regarded in the same sentence with all it's frivolities and shallowness.

Yes, the Hunger Games is a phenomenal book, and if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It's a very well written story that actually has something to say with characters that you care very much about. I found the main character of Katniss to be a true treasure. Here is a character for young girls to look up to and admire. Someone who is strong, resourceful, proud, tough, capable, caring, and smart. She's not the wet blanket that Bella Swan is made out to be. She waits on no one to rescue her and relies solely on her talents and wit's in order to survive. Furthermore, this was probably the first female character I've read that I could actually relate to and that's saying something because I've been a big reader my entire life.

What's even more is that I'm offended that this is even referred to as a young-adult series. When we put titles on things we isolate them. For me, when you call a series young-adult you're saying it's not that well-written and that it's amatuerish, simple, and probably focused on a somewhat hollow subject matter. Stamp the words Twilight anywhere near it and you've just hammered down the final nail. But this is furthest from the truth when speaking of the Hunger Games.

For me, it's the equivalent of saying that Harry Potter is a children's book series. It's absolutely not. I've maintained for years that the Harry Potter books are absolutely adult novels that kid's have just latched onto.


Yes, a story approx. 4100 pages about a grown man wanting to kill a teenage boy is for kid's...SIGH


The reality is somewhere in between. The reality is that Harry Potter is for everyone. Just like all great fiction there is no age limit or restriction to it. Labeling the books as kid's books is inaccurate and damaging because you then have people that don't take it seriously when they absolutely should. I know for a fact that there are people out there who haven't read Harry Potter for the same reasons I resisted the Hunger Games.

And that's what pisses me off.

I almost missed out on the Hunger Games because some idiot compared it to Twilight and the rising young-adult genre and the rest of the mouth breather's just ran with it.

Again, this is couldn't be more false. The Hunger Games is a series that should and does stand on it's own as a piece of good fiction. I wouldn't categorize it as a young-adult read anymore than I would ever compare it to The Book Series That Must Not Be Named (Twilight). It's a brilliant first novel in a trilogy that I am sure will be epically good.

A movie version of the book is coming out and I know the studio is even marketing it like the next Twilight, which is a damn shame. Mostly because it's false advertising. From everything I've read, the movie is going to remain highly faithful to the book. Well, when you take a movie like the Hunger Games and twist the marketing around so that you advertise to teeny-boppers you're probably gonna get a backlash when the Twi-hards see your flick and it isn't the vain, shallow, soap-opera they're expecting it to be. I hope it doesn't damage the movie's box office take. I hope that general audiences embrace it and that the Twilight fans go home scratching their heads. Because it's a good story, it'll make for a good movie.

And it's not just for the fans of sparkly vampires.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Who hates reading?

Well Facebook just suggested someone for me to be friends with who I could NEVER be friends with. Without giving any details away (yes, I have tact), this person had a group listed under their favorite book section as: I Hate Reading.






Might as well say you like burning books, you fuckin' Nazi.

I mean, seriously, are you 'effing serious???

Let me 'splain something to the masses. Before movies, before TV, before radio, there were BOOKS. Mass media, say hello to my lil' friend! Literature is the one constant. I still can't believe there are people out there who would be a part of this group. I mean, I understand if you haven't really gotten into books yet in your life. I truly do, because I believe everyone will eventually get into books. Because there's something there. There's an experience to be had. Something almost tangible. Something worthwhile. It's not like people read because they're pragmatic assholes who are pretentious beyond Sean Penn.



Pretentious and yet didn't graduate HS!


But to say you HATE reading? Who the Hell is you? Where do you get off?

It's like admitting you're stupid. After all, a growing theme on my blog will be the frustration with stupidity because it is so goddamn curable BY reading a book that it drives me insane that it still exists as some sort of rampant disease.

Again, I understand if you haven't found your niche'. I'm a firm believer that the education system in America is so behind the times that they are forcing young minds to read so-called "classic's" that are so boring and overrated that they turn people off from reading in general. However, there is something out there for everybody. Sure, the Grapes of Wrath may not have been your thing (wasn't mine), but there's so much out there. So many different styles, ideas, methods, genres, and much, much more to ignore. But to completely turn yourself off from something?

The term I HATE reading is SO ignorant it is beyond belief anyone would willingly say it. It's something you should only say in duress and under pain of severe torture.

So no, Facebook, I do NOT want to be friends with this Neanderthal. Even though she was hot.



Let's substitute CRAZY with STUPID...

Friday, March 16, 2012

Your Rocky Zen moment of the day:


Rocky II might be the best of the bunch. They're all good (in their own way - I say this quickly before anyone wants to go 10 rounds with me over Rocky V), but Rocky's training in Part II is very interesting.

He didn't really want to fight Apollo Creed again. His wife didn't want him to neither (ha). Rocky felt like he'd already proven everything he had to with the first fight. It became more about money. But the yet the question remained. Could he actually beat the Champion? He came so goddamn close the last time, maybe he could actually do it now that he believed it was possible?  Still, his heart wasn't in it. Mostly because Adrian didn't want him to fight.

But then complications arose in Adrian's pregnancy and while the baby was born, she went into a coma. Rocky forgot about training and stayed by her side night and day while the fight loomed ever closer.

Finally, Adrian awoke and this happened:



Training continued here (or as I like to put it, the rest of your Zen moment for the day):



Our lives would be so much cooler:




IF OUR CARS WERE TRANSFORMERS!!!

Imagine how much fun your life would be if your car was an intergalactic alien with sentient intelligence that could not only drive itself, but become a relatable person that you could talk to and grow with and that would inevitably look out for your best interests and protect you.

Your car would not only be instantly cooler than it already is, but it'd be able to shoot lasers and spout awesome dialogue like, "Autobots, ROLL OUT." 

That would be awesome and you know it. It's like taking K.I.T. to the next level, because while KIT was amazing, he couldn't transform.

K.I.T. for those who don't know...i.e. LAME!

Having a Decepticon or Autobot as your vehicle would also tell others LOADS about you. These are kind of dividing-line archetypes we're talking about here. Classic good versus evil kind of stuff. Just the other day I saw an asshat with a Decepticon sticker on his car and he instantly stood out as an evil mother fucker. While he might not have been EVIL...he's probably not the nicest guy in the world if he's relating to fucking Decepticons. There was a split-second where my instinct was to run him off the road...

I think this was the soul of my Autobot car speaking to me. For just an instant...


Ironhide and I are very close...


I'm getting off-track here...who'd have thought, right? But personality would play a large part in what kind of Transformer you'd get. A great example here would be DOUCHEBAGS! Obviously douchebags have a way of projecting who and what they are by what they wear and how they act (to which I am eternally grateful for), but this would be just one more thing!

Why was I late today? Oh, well some douchebag sped up on my ass (even though I was driving a very respectable 70 MPH and traffic was pretty even) and when he started switching lanes needlessly, my Autobot friend got a good look at the Decepticon vehicle he was driving and initiated attack formation Beta-Delta. A fight ensued. Needless to say the douchebag is dead and the Decepticon is a heaping pile of twisted metal (see what I did there?).

Ah, the applications are mouth-watering. Science, get on this. Who says we have to find Transformers amongst the stars? Let's INVENT Transformers. Insert artificial intelligence into transforming cars NOW! I want my next best friend to be called Optimus Prime!

Sure, there would be an increase in violence across the planet but it would be the RIGHTEOUS kind of violence that weeds out evil and annoying assholes. Plus there would be laser guns shooting all over the place! Hell, the planet is overpopulated as it is, and if the Transformers took their completely black and white approach to good versus evil I would NOT be opposed to some middle-of-the-road bad guy's getting their butt's handed to them in the process of the Decepticons getting wiped the Hell out.

This is what I like to call: WIN-WIN violence. The 80's style of violence. Woot.

God forgive me, I just said "woot".

In the end, what do we have? Tons of awesomeness + Cool robots to hang out with + Cars driving themselves (NAP TIME) - Massive collateral damage / Evil being taken out =



TOTAL FUCKING WIN

Seriously...this is RAD.

An awesomely funny video you've probably never seen


I owe this post to my best friend. I don't remember how he found it or where he found it but oh my God, I am glad he found it. It's amazingly awesome.



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

John Carter review




PHENOMENAL.

Generally speaking, I have a rule of thumb when it comes to movies. Regardless of how they originate, I very rarely pass any kind of final judgment on a project until I at least see a teaser. I can gauge a lot from a trailer/teaser. Usually, I can figure every plot point out and make some sort of assessment as to whether I want to see a film or if I choose to downright hate a flick. This isn't always the case.

John Carter is a prime example.

The marketing for this movie was absolute SHITE. But before I explain this FACT, I have to give some detail:

Hollywood has been trying to make a John Carter of Mars movie (based on the best-selling, and VERY classic novels written by Edgar Rice Burroughs) for a very longtime. At one point, Jon Favreau (Swingers, Iron Man, Monica's boyfriend for a few episodes of Friends, etc.) was attached to direct. This was the only point during John Carter's long walk to the silver screen that I actually believed a movie would shove forward for a touchdown. This did not come to pass. More years went by. Finally, the movie was made.

But apparently no one had any faith in it because it was horribly marketed. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

The movie was written and directed by Andrew Stanton. This man co-wrote Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life, Wall-E, and Toy Story 3. He directed Wall-E and Finding Nemo. He is an Academy Award winning Director. True, this is his first live-action feature. But that shouldn't say much when you look at his resume'.

Fronting the movie you have Taylor Kitsch, who has done some work that we've all seen, but is basically an unknown. Most of the movie is filled with unknowns.

So let's see...we have a gifted writer/director and a group of unknowns within a project that is based on a series of critically acclaimed novels rich with detail, life, story, and charisma.

Who didn't have faith in this project again?





If history has proven anything, it's that talented filmmakers with a great story can make a phenomenal movie with unknowns.

Proof?

Okay:

Hollywood is BAD at business


For those who don't click the link, I'll spare you some time. The predominant trend of the top-grossing movies of all-time is that they don't star anybody that was famous at the time of their release and that they are almost always directed by extremely talented people that had great stories from the word: GO

In this way of thought, John Carter should've been backed wholeheartedly by the studio. It wasn't. You can see this in everything from the lackluster posters:







TO the lackluster trailers that give almost ZERO information:







What happened?

Personally I believe that Disney got to a point where they had had enough of John Carter. They'd spent so much money on the project over the years, they just wanted it done and over with. The problem is that they didn't bother to watch the finished film they had and realize what kind of gold they'd created.

This movie is amazing.

I'm simply astounded at how much I loved it.

The premise is complicated, but I'll walk you through it.

John Carter is a Civil War Veteran who lost his family during the war. He's totally over fighting and he's over doing anything in this world for anyone other than himself. Who can blame him? Partly by fate and partly by accident but ALL by Alien technology, he finds himself transported to Mars. Only this isn't a Mars we've ever read about in school. It doesn't lack oxygen and their are a vast multitude of species living on the planet - JUST GO WITH IT. You have to remember that these books were written in an era where little was known about Mars. It's a lot of fun, and Hell, it takes place in the past so who is to say what happened on Mars back in the day?

I should also mention that Carter has abilities on Mars due to it's distance from the sun. Gravity isn't a huge problem for him so he's super strong, agile, and can leap tall buildings with a single-bound. Makes for great entertainment.

Anyhoo, Carter gets caught up in a ANOTHER Civil War of an entirely different kind and he's forced to make some hard choices. Who and what to fight for? Why do we fight? And can you love again, or better, SHOULD you love again?

In many ways, this film lives or dies on the relationship between John Carter and his love interest, Princess Dejah Thoris (played by the always SEXY Lynn Collins). Thankfully, the chemistry between Kitsch and Collins is effing PALPABLE and you seriously care about their fate and interest in each other. You can believe that they love each other...and that's vastly important in an epic-romantic adventure/fantasty/sci-fi flick.


SEXY 

More than once, I marveled at the idea that THIS is what it must have felt like to watch Star Wars circa 1977. THIS is what it must have felt like to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark in it's initial release.

Folks, THIS is what they build movie theatres for!

It makes perfect sense that a man that is used to directing animation would be a phenomenal visually-attuned live-action filmmaker.

AND Stanton is the second to do this within months. Brad Bird (the genius behind the Incredibles and fellow Pixar-alum) made Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol!

Goddamn, Pixar just continues to deliver us the goods!

And yet it's all going to ruin.

I will seriously cry if John Carter doesn't get a sequel. If ever there was a movie released that DESERVED a sequel, it's THIS MOVIE!!!

Because of Disney's short-sightedness and ignorance, we may not get a sequel to such a righteously good flick that deserves it infinitely more than half the movies that get greenlit sequels.

So now I'm doing something I have never done before...

I'M BEGGING YOU TO GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

I'M BEGGING YOU TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT.

Let's start a goddamn grassroots movement and make this film profitable for Disney so they'll give us more.

Imagine a world where Star Wars didn't succeed. I absolutely don't want to imagine that scenario nor can I actually conceive of it in any way, shape, or form.

Folks, this is OUR Star Wars.

BELIEVE IT. 


10 / 10

OR:


 

Monday, March 12, 2012

Movies for Douchebags!


I hesitated at posting the following video.

But personally, I thought it was funny. It saddens me at how true and maybe how strangely necessary it seems (more and more), but it's so effin' true.

You could tell that a true cinephile put this together. Someone who both understood the greatness of the movies used as an example and yet took it further and recognized the meaning behind the dialogue both as a smart person and as one that sucks ass as an individual.

Enjoy.



Sulu's Happy Dance!



OK...for those who don't know who George Takei is:






HE'S GODDAMN SULU, YOU DUMMY'S!!!

True, he's gone onto many a different television shows, gotten a vast many paycheck from his insane amount of voice work gigs, and was also underused and yet at times brilliantly used on the too long-lived but once shortly-awesome show that was Heroes.

Read it again, it makes sense.

But the mother fucka started out as Sulu the Helmsman on Star Trek biatches. RECOGNIZE.

Nevertheless, this video tickles my funny bone to no end. True, the guy is an ego-maniac and has had all kinds of stupid rivalries with various Star Trek cast members, but damn if it's not fun to watch the guy dance. Especially and maybe ONLY because he has almost always seemed to take himself so damned seriously. 



Project X review




Hooray the new "found footage" flick is up!

Look I've said it before and I'll say it again. The found footage gimmick can be a bold and grand statement for a movie that utilizes it in a necessary and interesting way. The problem with this is that few reasons to make a movie can utilize the found footage as both necessary and interesting, leaving the audience feeling like it's simply a GIMMICK. Because it usually is.

The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield said everything I think we ever need to say with this style of filmmaking. Yet Hollywood has grasped onto it's ankles for only one reason:

IT'S CHEAP!!!!!!




The only reason I bring any of this up is because Project X falls into the same category as Chronicle. It could be twice as good, if not better if it had just been shot as a a real movie. In both films, I see no reason why this SHOULDN'T have been the case.

But whatever, on to the rest of the review.

Project X is a funny movie.

End review.

Just kidding...sort of.

I really don't know what to say about Project X that I haven't already said above. I think there's a really huge chance to over critique this film and miss the point entirely. I mean, it's a party movie. Three kids get a big party together that get's out of control. Fade to black.

From the outset, this movie is either your cup of tea or it isn't. Personally I liked it. Thought it was funny as Hell and a lot of fun in general.

Being produced by Todd Phillips (Old School, the Hangover, and Due Date), you should pretty much know what you're in for. Shit, in many ways, this flick reads like a prequel to Old School. The characters at this point are pretty formulaic and the situations they are in are all been-there and done-that whether we've seen it in movies or in our own lives. But hell, that's what makes these movie so much fun.

It's all about reveling in our own stupidity and insanity. Enjoying life and throwing caution to the wind. Isn't that what being a teenager is all about?

So again, I say you're either down for this kind of movie or you aren't. Personally, I enjoyed it. But I wouldn't recommend it to some of my relatives.



7 / 10

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm in shock...


My parents never understood my obsession with comic books. And for that matter, hardly anyone I knew growing up understood it either. Sure, I had a handful of friends over the years that got it, but most didn't.

I would always say something to the effect that, "guys, am I NOT awesome? Then I wouldn't be interested in something NOT awesome...BOOM!"

Just kidding, I did not talk like Barney Stinson twenty years ago. But essentially it's what I would say. Why would I read and spend time on something that sucked? I wouldn't. I've always said this about comic books and the saga of the heroes who wear spandex (or spandex-like material): There is something there, and it is awesome.

And if it weren't awesome it wouldn't have become the multi-billion dollar affair it has become in Hollywood.

Just think about it.

People are making boatloads of money off of comic book movies. If there wasn't something special to these movies they would absolutely and appallingly fail. But we love 'em. That's a WIN, my friends!

Still...

NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever believe an organized Avengers movie would come to pass.

When I say organized I mean to say that I never thought they would carefully plot out a series of movies meant to introduce audiences to MAIN characters as well as SIDE characters and have them fit together cohesively while respecting their singular worlds - All the while building towards a team movie.

Of course I hoped for it and wanted it. But I never really dreamed it would happen.

Sure I knew an X-Men movie series was inevitable (which would ultimately be continually fucked up). I knew they would continue to hit and miss with Batman (for every Dark Knight there is a Batman and Robin) AND Superman (for every Superman 1978 there is Superman IV: The Quest for Peace). I even figured that Spider-Man would get some good play.

But I never fathomed we would get the Avengers.

I always figured the Avengers would be a singular movie. No build-up, introduce all the characters-at-once cluster FUCK.

Side note: This is what WILL happen for the Justice League movie because Warner Bros. has their head stuck so far up their ass they can smell their own burps.

Yet we are getting this:





Which is pretty goddam close to this kind of stuff:










I could post a ton of pictures supporting this idea, but I just went with some basics mostly focusing on the BIG MEMBERS.

People, this astounds me! And we should all be happy and sing the praises of Marvel and everyone involved with the Avengers movie.

Seriously, I think about this and I realize that my anticipation level is somewhat numb because I'm in shock that this is even happening. I'm geeking out about this at such a hardcore level that I sincerely can't believe it's happening...or that I'm alive to see it come together and pay off. It truly is amazing that we're having an Avengers movie that has been so intricately woven together via multiple movies and written and directed by a geek like Joss Whedon who knows and understands the material to such a level that this is almost kid's play for him.

In another dimension, this movie is being made with George Clooney as Cap, Denzel Washington as Iron Man, Jennifer Lopez as Thor, Ashton Kutcher as the Hulk, and McG is directing. You know I'm right on this.

We got so lucky it's INSANE.

Therefore I am in shock.

"Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he ever wanted...he lived happily ever after."

OH HELL YES!!!






Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Oh and then this happened:






Oh how I hate Ryan Seacrest and love anything that torments and annoys him.

Look, I've been saying for years that he's gay and I've had to deal with everyone from ultra-morons to women exclaiming that he isn't. Sure, it doesn't matter, but the fact is that he IS gay. This video proves it. Only a gay guy would get this upset about how his tux looks.

Regardless, he's a douche and he dares to share my namesake...pisses me off.

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Avengers Trailer


I realize I'm late on posting this, but I bet many of you haven't even seen this yet:




So apparently there are trailers and then there ARE THE FUCKING AVENGERS TRAILER.

Oh. My. God.

This movie is going to be amazing. And I'm going to be the first to put it out there that I have always loved Joss Whedon and I always will love Joss Whedon and that I never doubted Joss Whedon for a second and that Joss Whedon is going to knock one out of the fucking park with this movie.

Could I have said Joss Whedon enough in that last paragraph?

If EVER there was a man to make the Avengers movie, it was Mr. Whedon.

For those who don't  know, Joss Whedon is the writer/director of the Avengers. He's also the writer/producer/creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly/Serenity. He's also responsible for one of the most recent acclaimed runs on the X-Men comic book and he's been partially involved with many a screenplay from Toy Story to Speed. The guy has got the goods and he's about to deliver and be the new Hollywood go-to-guy.

MARK. MY. WORDS.

Your new Game of Thrones warning...


I've posted before about the fact that Game of Thrones Season 2 is coming to HBO in April. Well, it's right upon us now. What better time for you to get into the show than NOW. Do whatever you have to do, but check it out...trust me. Season 2 is almost here and it's time for you to stop denying yourself the greatness that is this show.

In the past I have pushed Justified and Community (and will continue to do so), but now I'm pushing a show that revels in characters. It is an ensemble-based drama that deals in everything from friendship and love to family and loss. Yes, it's set in a fantasy world, but that shouldn't turn you off. Everything that happens is REAL. The fantasy element just adds a bit of spice to the narrative. I dare you to watch an episode of this show and NOT be intrigued.