Lockout review

Lockout is a mixed bag.

Many have said (including myself before viewing it) that it is a throwback or even a remake of Escape From New York. This couldn't be farther from the truth. It's more like Die Hard meets Con-Air...

Without the NUTS.

Simple story. Space prison. President's daughter is visiting on some stupid-pseudo political endeavor while the inmates escape. The Government sends in a rogue, badass SEAL team-like soldier in to rescue her. Bad stuff ensues.

Sounds great, right?

At certain points it is. The problem is that the movie get's bogged down in it's own plot devices and political commentary. I'm sorry, but when I watch a movie like this, I don't want to be preached to and I definitely don't want totally useless and utterly redundant sub-plots that go absolutely nowhere.

Political commentary, you ask? Aye.

The President's daughter is this annoying ultra-liberal chick that constantly tries to get us (the audience) invested and intrigued with the fate of the prisoners...

Did I forget to mention that all of the prisoners on this space prison are the worst of the worst. Psychos, pedophiles and rapists.

Yet we're supposed to care how they are treated or that because it's essentially a cryo-prison (prisoners are mostly frozen), you are supposed to be bothered that there's apparently a major malfunction in the freezing process and that a small few can come out of the freezing process worse than they already were.

Am I the only one who sees a gaping whole in the logic of this plot point that we are meant to care about? These fuckers are lifer's. Who care's how they come out IF they come out? Shouldn't they NEVER come out in the first place? Why aren't we launching this prison into the sun?

I've really tried NOT to bring up politics in the Batcave, but I'm a massive supporter of the death penalty and if you're a sadist, a sociopath, or better yet a psychopath, I could give two shit's about what happens to you when it happens to you. The worse the better.

Yet there's even a scene (spoiler alert) where it's revealed that horrific medical testing is being done on some of the prisoner's...and we're supposed to care? Why? Dude killed people...get's his brain hacked into for whatever scientific research you wanna label on it - sounds like KARMA to me.

These guys are BAD guys. The worst of the worst. The movie makes a point to make THIS point. Forgive me if I feel no remorse in caring about their fate. Say I'm crazy if you want, but I take pleasure in watching bad people suffer. Evil should not be cared for, nor protected.

Furthermore this is actually an example of only one of the negative subplots of the film. The other horrible subplot has to do with the leading character, Snow (the badass military dude). Throughout the film Snow is chasing a briefcase that will supposedly lead to incriminating evidence against someone for something to prove he's innocent of a crime we already know he didn't commit.

By the time he get's to the briefcase the movie is practically over and it's almost entirely inconsequential as to what's in it, what it means to you and me, and how it's going to affect Snow's fate. We learn someone was behind him being set-up in a crime that yet again, we KNOW he didn't commit and it's completely useless knowledge that has ZERO baring on the rest of the story. Especially because the guy who's ultimately the person who framed Snow for the crime that we KNOW he didn't commit was almost solely responsible for his SURVIVAL throughout the mission.

Yeah, I'm serious. Re-read that again.

So to clarify:

DON'T.

CARE.

Lockout tries to be a badass flick. The main problem with this besides what I've already stated is that it isn't badass. It pussies out left and fucking right. I brought up Con-Air earlier, and while Con-Air is a flawed movie, it understands what it is and has some fun with it. Ultimately I would argue that BOTH films pussy out in the IDEA of what they are doing. What are they doing? They are pitting a BAD ASS SOLDIER with practical training against DOUCHE-BAG PRISONERS with ZERO training who only THINK they are badass because they've only ever preyed upon weaker subjects. I want to see these SOLDIERS cut through these worthless mother fuckers like butter. In Con-Air's defense, we do get this to a certain point. We never get it in Lockout and that's a damn shame because that's NOT what they advertised.

With Con-Air, Cameron Poe has an objective. He's laying-low, trying to keep himself and his friends alive, only striking out when needs be and trying to remain almost within deep-cover in order to protect as many people as possible. But when shit hits the fan and he has to fuck up one of the loser convicts, he doesn't hesitate and he has no problem dealing with them because he's had formal training...and he's SANE, and/or RIGHTEOUS. 

I feel that in many ways Lockout disappointed me in the way that revenge flicks almost entirely disappoint me. Revenge flicks can be compared to movies like Lockout and Con-Air because they initiate a conflict between ultra-evil and good. I feel like most revenge flicks fail because they try to gain some sort of sympathy for the villain when that's missing the boat entirely. If the main character wants revenge, there's usually a good reason, we should only be sympathetic towards him/her/the Bride's cause. Screw this namby-pamby feeling bad for the antagonist shit.

IMO, the Crow is the one and only true GREAT revenge flick. Eric Draven doesn't hold back.

When I watch a movie like Lockout, where it's sold as the way it totally was, I want to see Snow beat the ever-loving crap outta of these worthless low life's and smile and quip his way through, cigarette after cigarette. I don't even want it to be challenging for him...because it wouldn't be challenging. Again, we're talking about a hardened soldier against a bunch of wannabe tough guys. Sociopathic bullies, for God sakes!

Put a Navy Seal into a prison and I bet you people get RUINED. That's what was sold to me, that's what I expected...but that is certainly what was NOT delivered.

Where's my Goddamn Rorschach in jail movie?


6 / 10

Cabin in the Woods review

My oh my, where to start...

Cabin in the Woods is a movie that almost defies description. I've heard some reviewers talk about how they are unable give an in-depth review without spoiling it. I completely and wholeheartedly agree. It is impossible to review this movie without spoiling it. Yet, Cabin in the Woods is the reason we go to see movies...but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Let's start at the beginning. The film was shot three years ago. It was the brainchild of Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon. Whedon is the creator and writer of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and Dollhouse (just to name-check SOME of his TV credentials). He's also the writer and director of Serenity and the upcoming little film known as the AVENGERS. Drew Goddard was one of the head writers for Buffy and Angel and went on to write Cloverfield as well as direct Cabin in the Woods.

The duo came up with a love-hate letter to the horror genre which became our movie. It was an attack on torture-porn (a sub-horror genre the two felt had devolved horror - rightfully so) and an homage to some of horror's classic set-ups.

Long story short, MGM, who financed the film went under. Years later, we have the release of this wondrous, daring, and brilliant piece of cinema.

From the get-go something is amiss in the world of Cabin in the Woods. We know something is up. And if you've seen the trailer, you can tell that not all is right with this world. Someone and/or Something is messing with the set-up here...and with the kids that we are almost instantly introduced to: Insert five random late-teens/early-twenties stereotypes.

Said five kids are on a vacation to a cabin...in the woods...only part of the story that is cliche'. Needless to say, shit hits the fan. There is a force that comes in to play that is absolutely to be reckoned with.

And that's all I can really say about the plot without giving anything away.

However, I CAN say that when we get about 2/3 of the way into the movie: SHIT GET'S REAL and the movie forgets formula completely and goes totally OFF THE RAILS - but in a good way.

The film mocks conventions and takes some GINORMOUS risks that your average movie goer may not be able to follow nor get behind. It is a bloody, violent, insane flick. I marvel that it was actually made in the current cinema climate. This is a movie that belongs in the 80's. It revels in it's gore and it's brilliance and complete nutso left turns.

As I said earlier, this sort of movie is the REASON we go to see movies in the first place. It's entertaining as all Hell and brings something completely new to the table while still staying smart and fresh. In fact, if I had to describe this movie by one word it would be: HIP. The dialogue is quick and intelligent without being too snarky or self-aware. And when I use the word hip, it's the farthest thing from fucking hipster so get that out of your head right now.

And with this beauty as the star of the piece...more interest should be given.

This is a phenomenal movie with mind-altering twists and turns. It's got a giant plot development that you have to jump on board with. It's pretty far-out and science-fictiony but it's ultimately amazing and brilliant if only because: THEY. ACTUALLY. WENT. THERE.

When you have a talented team that put their balls on the chopping block and actually produced something batshit crazy that still works...well, you have to give it to them. Kudos, to you sirs.



10 / 10

When's your birthday?

In today's geek climate having a birthday with an awesome fictional character means all kinds of cool points. It's funny to me how much resonance that last sentence has.

There was a day when being a geek was un-cool. That day has long since passed. Where once knowing Captain America's real name made you an easy target, and knowing the name of the voice actor who portrays the always awesome Optimus Prime turned you into fodder in the schoolyard has now since won over most of society to the point where geek has become the new cool. These are exciting times we live in (btw, it's Steve Rogers and Peter Cullen, respectively).

It's a time when personal bias has taken a back seat to more open-mindedness. People have let their guards down. Technology has started to take equal footing with so-called science-fiction. It's EASIER for people to believe.

It's finally become COOL to believe. Better, it's finally become time to accept cool for being cool.

Superpowers are cool.

As are starships.

And fedoras.

And so on and so forth.

So it should come as no surprise that it is now time to learn which awesomely fictional character shares your birthday.

The above is just for January.

You must go here: My birthday falls on Dobby's from Harry Potter, which ain't too shabby IMO.

Check it out and enjoy!

So. Forget. Everything. I. Posted. In. The. Last. Post.

BatSTUD makes mistakes...

They are rare, but they happen.

The less we say the better...

Best. Thing. Ever.

There will come a day when you've thought to yourself that BatSTUD has said that something is insanely awesome. It will by default be fantastic. It might even be only slightly interesting to your own eyes. Yet in your heart of hearts, you will know you beheld something great.

There might even come a day when you've thought, Ryan has posted something that he claims as the best thing ever, but he's done something like that before. True, I've claimed many things as awesome, awesomeness, awesomesauce, extremely awesome and fantasticawesome before. You would not be wrong in your assertion that I have strongly labeled AMAZING things in the past as AWESOME. I will not apologize for being enthusiastic towards phenomenal things.

With all of that being said, I will NOT apologize for revealing to you the coolest, most bestest thing ever.

There are simply NO WORDS:

Looper is coming!

This is exactly the type of geek movie I want you all to get excited about! Looper is a science-fiction noir-style film like nothing you've ever seen.

Quick synopsis: Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Bruce Willis at a different age...

Enter the trailer:

I sense a team-up in the mix...

Game of Thrones gets a third season!

So after smashing all sorts of records including the all-time high for the show itself, HBO has greenlit another season of Game of Thrones. Why HBO hasn't gone on record with giving the show more than one season at a time is beyond me...but more importantly:

Why you aren't watching this show only equals out to stupidity and insanity at this point.

Too many people have actually gone on record that if HBO cancels this show they will cancel their subscription. I'm one of them.

That speaks volumes.

I'm telling you, buy the first season, catch-up and then get HBO so you can watch the second season. We're only two episodes deep. You can do it...I know you want to. It's totally worth it. Hell, read the books AND watch the show. It's phenomenal.

Trust me.

Wrath of the Titans review

Make no mistake, I HATED Clash of the Titans. Not the original -of course- just the shitty remake that serves as the first installment to Wrath.

I had zero intention of giving this movie a shot. But it looked like so much fun...and what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic and optimist. So I gave it a shot.

Good thing too...

I try NOT to tell myself this too many times a day...bad things happen when I do...

While this movie isn't THAT awesome...it's a lot of fun.

I was seriously shocked at how much I enjoyed it.

Forget Clash...I went in acting like the events of the first film were just vague notions. I looked at Wrath as a stand alone flick. While many of the characters reference some of the happenings of the first film, I feel like the way I went in was perfect because had you never watched Clash, you'd really never suffer while watching this movie. I honestly they made this movie so that you'd never have to watch the atrocious first installment and be none the wiser for it.

When the movie opens, Perseus has been a normal guy for years, raising a son and making his living as a fisherman. His father, Zeus comes to ask for his help because all Hell is about to break loose. The Gods are losing their power because mankind has basically forgotten them. As a consequence, the Titans, namely Kronos (father to Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus) are about to gain their freedom. Perseus just wants to go on being a normal guy, Zeus respects this and moves on...well, all Hell breaks loose.

Perseus is forced to step up to not only save his son but his father as well. Thus, the adventure continues...

What ensues is a fun romp...so why is this any different than Clash of the Titans?

Well for one, right off the bat - the CGI is LOADS better. The CGI for Clash was notoriously bad...this mostly having to do with the film having a release date before filming was finished. Sure, the Kraken looked great, but the Scorpions and Medusa looked awful.

Ugh...

 

Secondly, the storyline is more streamlined. The Gods are losing their powers, Kronos (father to the Gods)  is gaining strength...our heroes have to stop him or else...THE END.

Thirdly, the characters are more interesting - or at least the characters that we invest time in are more interesting.

One of the major problems with Clash of the Titans was that time was invested in characters that went absolutely NOWHERE. They introduced a large cast of characters and proceeded to kill them off without any regard for their substance.

I have no problem with killing off characters (fan of Joss Whedon here). However, when you hint at substance and then do nothing with it, well that makes ZERO impact. It's like having a single bite of a donut. For one thing, WHO could have just ONE bite of a donut? You gotta finish that bitch. Because while it may not have any substance, it's fucking tasty like a mother fucker. Everyone wants to finish the donut. We know it's not good for us, but we'll eat it.

Simple, broad, and easy characterizations (or bad) are comparable to donuts. And in most action flicks, this works. There is nothing wrong with broad strokes like this - for some and maybe a lot of films (I'm looking at you, Armageddon). The problem is when you introduce a ton of different characters (or flavors) and then get rid of them immediately. Clash of the Titans tried to have it's donut and eat it too. It was a movie with a large cast of characters that were killed off like nothing while focusing on the main action star of the piece. How can the audience care for so many random characters that are getting half-assed backgrounds and characterizations? Especially when they are just fodder for the crappy CGI-monsters?

Wrath changes the scenario. It maintains it's focus on a handful of characters and delegates MOST of the fodder to characters that we haven't gotten to know. And let's be honest, in stories about giant monsters and Titans, you gotta know that many, if not, all of the LEADS are gonna make it through. AS THEY SHOULD. This is a story about the FEW, after all. But that's not to say that Wrath is without it's casualties. The main difference is that while Clash tried to have a ton of varying and interesting characters that allowed the film to remain unfocused and indifferent when a character died, Wrath allows that fodder to exist and puts a few main characters in stark contrast and therefore makes their fates THAT much more interesting and retains our investment.

Not only this, but Rosamund Pike is in the movie. I've loved her for years. She's gorgeous and while I felt that they had needlessly recasted her role as Andromeda, she only adds to the value of the movie. She's a good, strong actress and just gorgeous...I know, I've said that already.

EVERYTHING about her shooting is wrong here - seriously - EVERYTHING - Still HOT

Hot enough to forgive anything...

8 / 10

Goon review

You may or may not have heard of Goon. But the above image says a lot.

I remember hearing about Goon MONTHS ago. It sounded like a great flick. Sean William Scott plays a lovable tough guy who's bouncing at a bar and is fairly happy with his simple station in life. He ends up being recruited by a minor league Hockey team as an Enforcer and finds something to be proud of. He's a Hockey player...but to the most of the world, he's a glorified thug...or a GOON, hence the title.

There were a lot of ways this movie could have gone. Let's check out the trailer as an example:

According to this trailer the movie is a straight up comedy. This is false.

We are uncovering more and more that the advertisement companies that Hollywood as a whole relies on have abso-fucking-lutely ZERO clue what they are doing. Between the mishandling of John Carter and a SIMPLE fucking movie like this, I wonder what the fuck those advertisement degrees are for? Wiping Executives' asses? Must be.

Goon is NOT just your standard comedy. It's a fun movie for sure, but it's a movie about Hockey and a nice guy trying to find his place in the world. Sure the comedy is there...big time. However, this movie has heart for days. It's a spaghetti Western set on an ice rink with a sure fire showdown waiting in the wings while the long heartfelt hero's journey quests upon the celluloid screen. There is blood and violence, but Hamlet has blood and violence!

Is it fair to compare Goon to Shakespeare?

YES.

For one thing Shakespeare is overrated. Yep, I said that shit.

Secondly, based on viewing Goon in comparison with a Shakespeare story through the eyes of an advertising MORON - than yes, I see tons of similarities because they would not be able to assess the value and depth of story from the material presented and would therefore present a good story with the same blunt idiocy that they portray Goon as.

I immensely enjoyed Goon. It's a comedy. Yet a drama. While being a romance. Still retaining bromance qualities while kind of being a buddy flick in an almost buddy-cop flick kind of way. It's simple yet complicated. It's High Noon on the ice. It's fun, but touching. Simple, yet deep.

In other words...

FUCK ADVERTISING!!!

8 / 10

New Total Recall and it's first trailer...

I've had very mixed feelings about the remake to Total Recall that is on it's way to theaters. I love the original Arnold/Verhoeven classic in all it's blood soaked gluttony and insanity. However, this looks pretty friggin' good:

Definitely gonna check this one out...here's hoping. Because...all remakes aren't evil.

But yeah, the idea generally is.

Sometimes you get Ocean's 11, though...so who knows?