Turbo's Review: Piranha 3DD

Now I’m not one for cheesy horror films, but I was at a friend’s house and he was so that’s how I ended up seeing this… uh… gem of a film.  The fourth in the Piranha series, and the first to be filmed entirely in 3D.  The first was directed by the great Joe Dante (Gremlins, Small Soldiers to name a few) in 1978 and the sequel was made by James Cameron (True Lies, Aliens of the Deep for example) in 1981.  Fast forward 30 years and Piranha 3D was released.  Now, I’ve never seen any of them, and not surprisingly, you don’t need to in order to understand Piranha 3DD. 

I can relate to her reaction

Basically David Koechner (Champ Kimes from Anchorman) is the owner/operator of a new adult water park.  Being adult, there’s lots of nudity.  So you get that aplenty.  Lots of young naked boobies.  The water park is somehow saving money by taking water completely unfiltered from a nearby river or something and presto!  Piranhas are now swimming around in the water park.  Oh and it has David Hasselhoff starring as himself.  tIt’s hard to define the main characer because every time you think someone’s going to be one, they die. There are MANY deaths in this movie.  It generally involves two teenagers having some life changing discovery in their lives, only to get brutally murdered by a bunch of fish minutes later.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

That’s not to say everything about it is awful, however.  David Hasselhoff is simply awesome in this movie. He makes fun of himself in every way possible, from mildly reenacting his cheeseburger debacle to running slow motion through the water.  When he encounters a little kid who has zero clue who he is, he even asks if the kid saw the Spongebob movie.
 

"I'm not a lifeguard, I just play one on TV"

One other thing I can say about this movie is it’s one of the few times I’ve ever been made physically sick by something I’ve seen on film.  Let’s just say it involves a guy’s most precious of preciouses and a hungry piranha.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just don’t need to see that.  Ever.

And this is where that hungry piranha comes from.

All in all, if you get a bunch of witty friends together and have a few drinks, throw this crap on the TV.  You’ll have some good laughs. 

4 / 10 


BatSTUD sidenote: Damn it's sad to see Ving Rhames doing shit like this.