My apologies...

Updates ARE coming. It's been a crazy Christmas weekend and even crazier because now I have friends staying with me for the week and New Years is coming too!

Argh! But new stuff is on it's way, I promise!

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol Review

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a huge fan of the Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible series. However, that's changing.

I LOVED the Hell out of the first installment and I still think it's the best in the series. It has a complexity while staying relatively simple (compared to the rest) that I don't think any of the other adventures have captured. And while I liked the third installment, I did not think it was the end-all, be-all that so many made it out to be.

My main problem with the series has always been Tom Cruise.

Let me explain, because I'm not a Cruise hater. Yes, I think he's nuts, but I also think he's a great actor who is extremely entertaining. Some of my favorite movies include Cruise, i.e. Vanilla Sky, Legend, Top Gun, Jerry Maguire, Days of Thunder, etc.

The problem I've had with Cruise and Mission: Impossible is that he's a very charismatic one-man show. I don't know if Cruise himself demanded the attention he's gotten from these movies or if it was the studio that has only ever green-lighted the projects if Cruise was in them.

Did Cruise just want his own American Bond series or did the studio project this? Because AT THE END OF THE DAY, Mission: Impossible was always a show/story about a TEAM.

So it's taken me quite a bit of time to warm up to this main character of Ethan Hunt who can almost seemingly do everything on his own. Don't like it. Want a team. And not just a team, but an ENSEMBLE.

We can debate about how these movies have given me more of what I want as the episodes have gone by and how that may or may not have been due to Cruise's involvement as he's become more of a producer within the productions. The point is:

Ghost Protocol is GOOD.

No matter how you feel about any of the Impossible movies, they've always had amazingly strong and brilliant directors behind them. The first was directed by Brain DePalma, the second by John Woo, the third by J.J. Abrams, and Ghost Protocol is the first live-action venture from the genius that is Brad Bird.

Don't know who Brad Bird is? He's the guy who gave us:

AND:

He's a visionary director who NEEDED to step-up and make a live-action feature. His visuals and ideas demand it.

The whole time I was watching Ghost Protocol I reflected back on a review that I think might have been written by Harry Knowles (from Aint It Cool News) that basically said that the Incredibles was a movie that featured a plot device that any modern day Bond movie WISHED it had. I thought the same thing of this movie. Coupled with the action and characters, it was all just a gigantic plus of fun.

Besides the fun of the set-pieces and over all storyline, there was another part to this movie that I thoroughly enjoyed and that I was worried about from the outset:

Jeremy Renner

First off, I've though Renner was a good actor for years, having noticed him in bit parts years before he was finally graced with Oscar attention. But that's just it, once Oscar notices you, so does Hollywood and regardless of whether you deserve it or not, they come knocking at your door for every part imaginable.

Renner is perfect proof of this (as one could argue, so is Matt Damon) as he's going to be in all sorts of projects in the next year from Hawkeye in the Avengers to the new Bourne character in whatever they call the new Bourne movie. He's even in a new, gritty, updated fairy tale story that has the elder Hansel and Gretel going into the forests to hunt witches.

Usually he plays the hard-ass tough guy (which is one of the reasons I don't like him for every project imaginable because he doesn't play tough very convincingly and only comes off as a douche to me) like in the Town (phenomenal movie btdubs).

In Ghost Protocol, one could argue that Renner plays against type and everything you've seen from the trailers is wrong. He does this really interesting thing with his voice and he downplays everything to the point that he comes off like this totally nice, soft-spoken, extremely sympathetic character that you root for and love. He does something really remarkable here. He doesn't play a sidekick to Cruise, but he doesn't compete with him either. I found myself disbelieving how much I liked him.

Renner has finally sold me as Hollywood's go-to guy. He's THAT likable in this movie.

Believe the hype. The guy has got the goods and I'm glad he's not just a one-trick pony...I was going to be worried about his portrayal of Hawkeye for a second there...then again, Hawkeye's kind of a douche, so whatever.

I'm getting off-track.

Bottom line, check Ghost Protocol out. It's a fun flick.

I don't look like this NOW, so basically I'm in trouble when I hit my fifties...

8 / 10

My only real problem (so far) with the Amazing Spider-Man

So another Spider-Man movie is coming.

More importantly, this is a new franchise. A re-booted franchise so to speak. I have absolutely no problem with this. It's inevitable. Hollywood creativity is just as diverse and ever-changing as the comic book community is and since when have comic books ever been consistent with a solid creative team? It's extremely common for a new writer to hop onto a series and change many things that were present beforehand let alone within the overall continuity of the character and his or her's history. So we should expect this of the movie series. After all Superman is on his third franchise, Batman is on his second (even though we could argue it's his third, thank you Joel Schumacher), and the Hulk has had what - three film incarnations so far?

I'd like to believe that we're all hip and knowledgeable enough to go with the flow. James Bond has had how many faces now? And how many director's? Put that into context and you'll have an idea of how I see things going for the world of comic book movies for the next 50 years or so. Change is constant. Ride the wave or crash, it's up to you.

You really think Robert Downey Jr. will still be Iron Man in ten years?

There it is. The new Spider-Man trailer.

We have a fresh start with new faces and a whole new origin story.

Ah, therein lies the problem...I'll let the new movie poster explain it for me.

2 guesses why this bothers me...

"The Untold Story"

Nope, pretty sure the origin of Spider-Man has been told about A MILLION FUCKING TIMES.

And this is where my anger rises.

See I'm not sold either way yet on this movie. There are issues with fans all over the world over the actor's chosen, the look of the villain (the Lizard btdubs...FINALLY), the tone of the film, the director involved, and etc.

I'm waiting for the next trailer before I put my two cents in on much of that BS. But what bothers me now is that they're trying to sell this movie as the untold story when it's a story we've all heard at least ONCE if not TWICE...and for many geeks, it's a story we've heard TOO many times.

Like I said above, I'd like to think that most movie goers are pretty hip. Even if you've never read a Spider-Man comic book or watched the various shows and cartoons about the character, chances are you've seen the first movie. So it's NOT an untold story to really ANYONE.

It's the old Superman argument. Granted, Spider-Man is not as huge as Superman but one could argue he's probably in the top 3 somewhere with Kal-El from Krypton and Batman. He's a character we all know and probably don't need to know how he came to be. Hell, Superman has had his origin done in two (about to be three) movie series, at least two cartoon shows and FOUR live-action TV shows, one of which lasted for 10 years and was ALL about his origin. It's fair to say that within the next 100-200 years we could do without EVER having to see or hear about Superman's origin.

I think the same could be said about Spider-Man.

Obviously Hollywood thinks we're retarded and has to sell us on a character we already know and love. I don't mind yet too much that this flick might be a huge retelling of a story I've already heard and seen a million times (even though I'm physically tired at the idea of watching another Spider-Man origin story). What bothers me is that they're trying to sell it as something I haven't seen. Or that it's something you haven't seen. We've all seen it!

I realize there will be new elements...but nonetheless it's redundant and ridiculous.

End rant...for now, but I'm sure there is more to come.

On the upside, the video game looks amazing...heh.

The Hobbit trailer looks fantastic

I've been a bit worried about the Hobbit. Was there any way Peter Jackson could renew the magic that he captured with the Lord of the Rings?

Here's our answer:

I think we have our answer and it is a resounding: YES.

Damn, it looks as though the man has tapped into the same damn vein even though it's been YEARS since he finished working on the Lord of the Rings. Wow.

Pick-up Star Wars: The Old Republic like...NOW!

Star Wars: The Old Republic (or SWTOR, if you prefer and henceforth within the article) is an MMORPG for the PC. Too many letters coming at ya? Okay, think World of Warcraft but Star Wars. Better?

It's taken a long time to get here, but it has been well worth the wait.

I got to play the beta before the initial release and enjoyed the game. However, since then, Bioware has apparently stepped up their A game and really hammered out some finer details and have taken a good experience and made it truly great - or should I say epic? So many subtle changes have helped to make SWTOR an awe-inspiring ride and putting her on the forefront of being the true first probable WOW-killer.

The oft-talked about but never realized WOW-killer has become something of a legend. WOW has become the Holy Grail of MMO's and the idea that it could ever have competition has kind of become a point of debate amongst gamers and nerds alike. It's such a successful game that many have wondered if and when it could ever be toppled over. Not that it would just die out or that it would become outdated to some new form of gaming. It's become something of a gambit or bet on just which new MMO could best the Champion of the World. Many of tried and none have succeeded.

For a long time coming, I have thought that SWTOR might be the only game on the horizon that has a shot at the title. Mostly because I felt that if the gaming elements were spot-on and fun, the history and submersive world of Star Wars would just be too powerful a combination for WOW. I mean, I played WOW on and off again for about six years (mostly on) and while I loved the Hell out of that game, I never found myself truly interested in the history, story, and mythology of Azeroth itself. Often times I was confused and overwhelmed when I thought that maybe if I was more invested in the world I'd understand more and therefore be a better player for it.

Well, here I am now, having played for more than a few hours on SWTOR. Now I can say that I'm putting all my chips in. SWTOR is absolutely THE WOW-killer we've all been waiting and watching for.

Believe it.

It's just so damn good.

So far I've only created my main which is a Jedi Sentinel but I have every intention of creating a Smuggler Gunslinger eventually as an alt. At level 14 I think I've seen enough and played enough to know that SWTOR is going to be a very involving game that is joyous, interesting, diverse, and maybe a tad addicting. These are all elements we want in a good game. We want to be able to dive-in. We should be eager to dive-in. And this is true of anything that's a hobby, whether it's reading a book, or watching a TV show, if it's like a chore, we're not gonna want to do it and we're not going to finish it. I've been an avid reader my whole life and when I was young it was really hard for me to put down a book that I was struggling to get through. It was an accomplishment to finish it, I wanted another notch on my belt! It wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I stopped doing this. Life's too short to have to work through a book you don't enjoy. I've applied this practice to pretty much everything. I used to feel guilty when a game that I didn't like sat on my coffee table, now I just trade it in for something else. Now when I find myself dreading reading a book I can't get into I just sell it or hand it off to someone else. If a TV show takes more than four or five episodes for me to get into it I walk away.

The point is, that's why WOW is so successful. They've created a game that was fun to play that had a LOT going for it (a ton of stuff you could do) in a world that was interesting and fantastical all at the same time. SWTOR has done something similar but they're working in the Star Wars universe which to me is WAY more accessible and a lot more exciting.

Time will tell if SWTOR is the WOW-killer. In the end, who cares? It doesn't really matter. It's just a fun game and you should check it out.

Tom Cruise is BATSHIT Crazy but now that's OK!

As Cruise started jumping on couches and acting like a general nutball, most of the world was in shock. I was asking why now and assuming that he'd ALWAYS been a nutball but someone must have kept him in check.

Fun fact 1: Before Cruise appeared on Oprah and started jumping on couches he had recently fired his longtime publicist (someone who would obviously be behind reeling him in) and hires his sister as his new one.

Fun fact 2: Ever since Cruise FIRED his sister, we've had no more crazy Cruise incidents.

This leads me to believe that he's always been crazy and always will be crazy, but he's a damn fun and fine actor!

PROOF:

I mean I guess this is just a tribute to the insanity of the actor, but still...any man that's willing to do this work and not even remotely complain deserves some recognition in my book.

NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!!!

Maybe at this point we're taking advantage of a crazy person?

I want to carry a sword!

And why not!?

Swords are effing cool (especially if you know how to use one) so to be able to carry one would be AWESOME.

I think we should be able to carry guns so of course I don't think it makes any sense for us NOT to be allowed to carry swords. I'll bring up my gun argument one day, but for now, we're on the sword issue. And for a lot of reasons I get why we aren't allowed to carry firearms but in this day and age why not swords?

If I can't carry a gun, I should be able to defend myself in some manner, right? I think the sword would be the next level down from a gun and still maintain a level of respectable lethality versus responsibility paradigm.

Don't bring up the stun gun because the stun gun isn't lethal and I would like the choice in the matter when confronted with despicable "people". No, I'm just kiddin'. I don't like the stun gun because it's been proven ineffective even at merely subduing people. It's just not consistent.

The sword is the obvious people-pleaser.

Yet thanks to society's growing paranoia and the race to disarm every citizen (even the sane and responsible ones), if ever I have to face Jason Vorhees or even just Hans Gruber I'm going to be shit out of luck and not even be able to defend myself let alone hack and slash my way through evil with the sword of the righteous:

Or my new Christmas present from my brother:

I would like the chance to be able to defend myself and my friends/family should the need arise. Since the gun is sort of out (for now) I'd like to put my claim down for the sword. I won't stop fighting for the right to bear arms, but for now I'd settle for a handy sword at my side.

Because I'd rather carry something I never need than need it and not be allowed to have it!

Common sense, people!

Christmas Time: Impromptu Christmas concert

Yes, that's Darth Vader with a Christmas flash mob.

You're welcome.

3 New reasons for me to visit New York City!

And thus I ask why can't there be a Comic book show and beer drinking arcade in San Diego?

Argh.

Movies you should know

I've got a couple articles that I keep making updates to like Cat's Suck and Musical people you should know...well add to it Movies you should know.

Alas, I think it was inevitable.

These lists will be generated by movies that for whatever reason have slipped through the cracks. They might be known by most of your or just some of you but let us not forget that if we transfer our love for something into someone else we are all the better for it. My sexy little romantic-self truly believes that if I get ONE person into something I write about I've won. 

So let's start out with a few shall we?



Big Trouble in Little China

Man oh man. How do I even begin to describe the awesomeness that is this movie?

We could start with Kurt Russell who is always the man and seems to be doing his best John Wayne impersonation throughout most of the film but that doesn't seem enough.

This movie is highly multi-genrrific (multi-genre + terrific). It's part comedy, drama, western, romance, sci-fi, fantasy, and martial arts movie. It's got something for everyone...that's part of why it's so damn good and you should know it!

The flick is basically about a mishmash of characters who get caught trying to save and protect two women with green eyes who are needed by an ancient sorcerer who wishes to renew his existence by taking their blood and making them his wives. Did I mention this takes place in modern day?

Trust me, it's a lot of fun!

It also meets my very own litmus test for one of the most quotable movies around!





The Untouchables

The above trailer doesn't do this movie justice but it's a nice starting point and highlights some great moments in the flick. Now imagine the visuals with this music:

Awesome right?

The flick was made by Brian DePalma (one of our best working filmmakers) and stars my very own man-crush, Kevin Costner but has an extraordinary supporting cast as well.

The story is based on true events that took place during the 1920's during the age of prohibition. It's the story of Eliot Ness who banded a small group of law enforcement agents who were deemed "untouchable" because they couldn't be bribed or bought in any way during their mission to take down people within the Mafia like Al Capone. The events of the film are quick to explain that while prohibition can be debated either way, the men who took advantage of the flow of alcohol during this day were almost always guilty of extreme violence and the true law enforcement officers who went after them did so because of the violence they wrought and not because of any belief in the legality or illegality of alcohol.

It's a fantastic movie. One of the only "gangster" movies that I love and mostly because it focuses on heroes rather than villains.





Waiting...

This is a movie that is very close to my heart. 

It's about working in a restaurant and since I've spent more time than I'd like to admit working in restaurant's I can tell you that this movie get's more right than it get's wrong. It's not a great movie...but it's fun, funny, AND educational.

So many of the scenes with customers is spot-on. Hell, most of the quotes are spot-on:

"You know how this place is, people with the DAY OFF already know."

So effing true.

And of course every restaurant has the characters that are present within the film. It's almost autobiographical for every server in the industry and that speaks volumes as to our different way's of life, the way we treat other people, and how the idea that "the customer is always right" just might be ruining this country (more on that later).

The moral of the movie? Don't FUCK with the people who serve you food.

Common sense? I'd like to think so...but it sadly is not.


That's it for this installment...more to come!

M. Night Shyamalan...still successful?

What happened indeed?

This is a director who was once regarded as the next Spielberg. I remember this well because as a child I had always wished that I could be recognized as the next Spielberg and took this sort of hard. HA...time changes our perspective sometimes for the better!

We're not going to try and reason what happened (even though I think the answer is obvious: EGO, FTW), instead I'm going to try and understand how this man is still getting work.

FACT: The reality is that ALL of Night's movies with the exception of Lady in the Water have been VERY profitable for whichever studio made the flick.

If I'm lying, I'm dying. It's the truth, I swear.

Lady in the Water's budget was around $75 million and pulled in close to $73 million. This movie is his only outright failure in terms of money. Remember that because it's important later.

The budget for the Happening (a movie where Mark Wahlberg talks to trees) was around $60 million and raked in around $163 million. So even on that shitpile, the studio made over a hundred million dollars!

The Last Airbender had a huge budget of around $150 million and still managed around $320 million for it's gross. Still very profitable even if the movie is generally viewed as a failure (as it actually should be).

So the reality we're dealing with is that the reason Night keeps getting work is because he still makes the studio's millions of dollars. From a strictly business standpoint, you can't really argue the numbers. However, if you're smart and you pay attention to the graph above and the general criticism that Night receives nowadays you can see that the backlash is coming or is already here and that very soon he's bound to make a movie that is not profitable will be a huge loss for the studio.

Here's where things get foggy. From an executive's standpoint, they can all pat each other on the back. And from a certain point of view they'd be right. But let's think about this for a second. While the Last Airbender made money, it was supposed to be a major franchise builder that could have made BILLIONS but was not well received and pretty much downright loathed, killing the chance of making the sequels that would've generated more and more money as the years went on...think about the loss of money just in merchandising and not even in terms of box-office or DVD/Blu-ray sales.

In my eyes, someone should have lost their job.

You can almost make an argument that the someone I'm talking about SHOULDN'T be M. Night.

That's right...I don't blame him for the failure of the Last Airbender...nope, I put that squarely on Hollywood's shoulders. Why? Because they continue to be an archaic form of business that shows no sign of business savvy.

Sure, Night made some money for ya Hollywood, but have you even watched some of his latest movies? The idea seems to be that because this guy made a couple great flicks early on in his career and that he became all the rage for like a year he's almost untouchable. And while he makes some money for you now that doesn't mean he's going to be a source of continual income, especially when you LOOK at what he's producing! Jeez, have some foresight and intuition! This cannot last. 

Due to the success of the Sixth Sense, Night has basically been able to make whatever movie he wants to however he wants to make it. Very few director's are allowed to work this way...for this specific reason. Because sometimes a director NEEDS to be controlled in order to make a better movie. So while he's continually granted greenlights on shitty projects and handed possibly epic franchise's to mess up the studios turn a blind to the problem that has been brewing due to their own actions.

It's very simple. One can make a case that the last good movie Night made was the Village. I would argue that the last good movie he made was Signs. To me, the Village was meh. But let's not split hairs and stay focused here. So what happened after the Village?

Lady in the Water...

This is a horrible movie. And it should not have been made. The script is atrocious and filled with omnipotent levels of arrogance and the studio should have passed or at least demanded tons of rewrites. And to Disney's credit (the first studio it was brought to), they did pass on it. I'll give you one guess who picked it up.

Warner Bros...and that should really come as no surprise. Remember the studio that effed up the Batman franchise and TWO Superman franchises?

So Lady in the Water get's made and is a completely convoluted mess that's RAVAGED by the critics and viewing public alike.

What does Hollywood do next?

Well, Night sells them on a big comeback picture that's geared towards the Global Warming sheep and will be a bit of something new for him because it'll be R-rated.

If I were a studio executive at this point I absolutely would not have written Night off. I'd take his calls and I'd read his new script. He'd done a lot for the industry at this point, and I still think he has a lot of talent. The problem is that he's left to his own devices. So would I want to work with this talented man? Sure. But if the script he brought me was the Happening we'd have some serious discussions.

1. I'd be down to do an R-rated Shyamalan movie, but the Happening would not be it.

2. You wanna make a PG-13 version of the Happening? Fine. We need more action beats and less characters talking to objects that can't respond. The idea just sounds ridiculous.

This is what I would've brought up in a meeting with Night. And if you've caught on that I'm calling the man Night instead of Shyamalan because I don't like having to type out Shyamalan you'd be right!

However, this is what I would've brought up in a meeting with Spielberg.

Yet this is Night we're talking about who is absolutely no Spielberg and is just coming off of his very real first SOLID failure.

The Happening gets made and again it is a movie that should not have been. On the script level alone, it's not good. You have scenes with people talking to plants...that does not translate well to the screen.

Is Night responsible for his failures? Of course he is. But since filmmaking should be a collaborative effort he does not bear the full responsibility alone. Too many people were involved with saying YES when they should have been saying NO, or at least questioning some points of interest.

So yet again, I must say: I BLAME YOU HOLLYWOOD.

The fun part is that they'll pay for it (literally) eventually and learn nothing to the most infinitesimal degree. Sure they might get lucky and Night's next movie is a return to form, but the odds and history of the subject are against them. 

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer looks badass!

And I don't care what people are saying, I can understand Bane just fine.

Can't wait.

Christmas Time: The Best Christmas Movies...of ALL time!!!

First and foremost this list is going to be entirely biased. But that's okay, you'll enjoy it anyway (yep, that rhymed). Truly, there are some entries here that might be questionable. Yet, I've had my own personal enjoyment with them all for various reasons. In many ways this is my attempt to get you to open your horizon. 

Also of notice is that Elf isn't on this list. While I enjoy the movie and love Will Ferrell and Zooey Deschanel (as already thoroughly related within the Cave), I just don't think Elf ranks it amongst my all-time favorites! Sorry.

On with the show: 



9. Fred Claus

Fred Claus get's a lot of shit. I don't know why. It's fun AND funny. I mean, it's got Vince Vaughn and if one guy on the planet get's my funny bone, it's the Vincster. Plus the move subverts so much of what we know about Santa while blending into the actual mythology without skipping a beat. And at heart, it's a touching tale about two brothers which almost always get's me. Give it a chance.






8. The Family Man

This is a phenomenal movie. It get's a lot of hate because Brett Ratner directed it (who get's a lot of hate for bullshit reasons) and because it's a re-hash on Dickens' A Christmas Carol (but you'll see that a couple times on this list). However, it's a solid flick with heart that has a lot of fun with that age-old question we all struggle with: WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN. It's a movie that uses Christmas and family to put a spotlight on what makes us our best and why that is and maybe even where we went wrong. Great flick.

 7. The Santa Clause

WOW...you wanna talk about a movie that subverts the Santa Claus mythology and tips it over on it's head? This is the movie. Tim Allen is still the shit to me. Maybe I spent too much of my youth watching Home Improvement, but this guy can do no wrong...besides the drug deals in his past...which we ALL should be PAST. This film adds total definition to the Santa Claus world while spinning a new twist on it. A GENIUS twist at that. This is one of those movies that I'd love to rank higher if it weren't for the great's ahead of it.






6. A Christmas Story

Ahhhhh, the Elephant in the room. It's sad, but I honestly feel like this movie has been played out. There was a day when I swore to myself that no good movie could possibly be played out. A Christmas Story has become the exception to the rule. It's just so over-played!!! I blame Ted Turner for this. It's a PHENOMENAL Christmas movie and if I'd written this article even five years ago the flick would've been in the Top 3...but now? It's relevance has almost become irksome. I hesitated putting it on the list...that's right, Fred Claus would've been number 8 with no Christmas Story in sight...yet, everyone has to admit it's still relevant. Thus it stands at number 6...THIS YEAR!!!





5. Miracle on 34th Street (THE ORIGINAL...ONLY ONE THAT COUNTS)

The scene above convinced me that the man who thought he was Santa Claus in the original Miracle on 34th Street really WAS Santa Claus. In many ways there was a moment here that has navigated my whole life.

Agent Mulder of the X-Files had a poster hanging in his office wall:

I have thus realized that it's not that I can or choose to believe but that I WANT to believe.

As an adult I understand now that my strong affinity for Miracle comes from my strong affinity towards the lawyer who would risk his livelihood and reputation to prove that Santa Claus exists. This is the man that I wanted to be, this is the man that I am...if I were I lawyer, this is precisely the case I would take on. Why rip away magic and innocence when it should be protected and avenged!?!?!?






4. The Family Stone

This might be one of the worst advertised movie in history. I remember when it came out that I wanted nothing to do with it. It was sold as the typical Sarah Jessica-Parker rom-com with Christmas!

My reaction!

Yeah, no thanks.

I'm not opposed to a good romantic-comedy, but a stereo-typical, lame Sarah Jessica-Parker version? Nope...sorry, not a fan of the Jessica-Parker...unless we're talking Footloose!

It took my mother watching and loving this movie for me to give it a chance. I'm glad I did. It's touching, brave, and smart. It was sold as a story about a woman coming to meet her fiance's family...but what it's REALLY about is a family that is extremely diverse and fascinating (aren't we all) coming together for the Christmas holiday and coming to terms with a tragic situation that will affect each and every one of them in varying ways. It's a heartwarming movie that speaks to every member of the family. Whether you're close to your dad, mom, brother or sister, this movie will say something to you.

Mom, if you're reading this, I love you and you better not even dream of going first. I can't take Dad without you!






3. A Christmas Carol (1984-TV-George C. Scott)

You knew it was coming. You knew it was only a matter of time. True, the story has been told a thousand times...but this version was the best it's ever been told. MARK MY WORDS.

Not only is George C. Scott the best Scrooge you've ever seen, but everything from the remaining cast to the amazing music within this production makes it the best. I STILL get misty eyed when I watch this movie once a year. There have been many great adaptations, but for my money, this is IT. The end all, be all. However, there might be at least one variation I cling to:






2. Scrooged

The scene above makes this EASILY the number two spot on the list.

"We ARE the people we always hoped we would be!"

Man, I think about this at least once a week. The idea that we should HOLD on to Christmas all year round. The POWER behind this idea is wonderful. Think about it. How the world COULD be!?

Why did Scrooged get placed over an original re-telling of A Christmas Carol? Well, for one thing, this is Bill EFFING Murray!!! But above all, this is a smartly written script that is riffing on a Christmas classic while adding to it. If it weren't for how witty this damn movie is I don't know if I'd place it before the George C. Scott version.

But it's the retelling of an age-old story. And it's a lot of fun.






1. It's a Wonderful Life

Hands down.

BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

The above clip is uniquely ambiguous towards Christmas on purpose. If you've never seen this movie (and I know most of you haven't), I don't want to spoil anything for you.

Suffice it to say that this film is ALL HEART.

This is the tale about a good man who lives trapped (as he perceives) in a small town that has done so much good for so many people that the only way he can actually see it is by having his guardian Angel coming down from Heaven and showing him a world where he literally didn't exist.

It's a great flick that tells us we are more than the sum of our parts. We are a collection of our memories and encounters, we are who our family has become in part by our blood but also in part by our choosing. We are who we are by our choices and in doing the right thing over the selfish things that we might be enticed by. We are the best part of ourselves when we are trying to be the best we can be for the ones we love.

There's a line in the movie that sums it up for me:

"Remember no man is a failure who has friends."

AMEN.


Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.  

Tintin: Change of position?

I haven't been very vocal in the Cave about my disinterest in the Adventures of Tintin coming out on December 21st. The reason for this stems from the fact that I usually don't like to dwell in negativity (surprising, right?). I'd rather promote and/or talk about cool stuff. Geeky, fun, interesting stuff, etc. At least here in the Cave.

In my personal life, I've made it a point whenever the subject is brought up to let people know exactly how much I could give two shite's about this flick.

For one thing, it's been made using that HORRIBLE Robert Zemeckis beholden to motion-capture that is just weird, freaky, and completely unnecessary. Just shoot the damn thing in real life...if you want it to look real, guess what? Nothing looks real like: REAL.

Secondly, the movie keeps advertising that Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson are the forces behind this film like it's a good thing. Okay, why? Couldn't their power be put to so much better use? Hey Steven, why not give us a better Indy movie?

I'm sorry, but what the eff is a Tintin? Why should I care?

This is a Belgium comic book series created by some dude called Herge'.

Yeah...again, who cares?

Beyond Prince, I make it a point to not care or be involved with any dumbass that has one name. Yeah, yeah, I know it was a pen name. But still. I think this is sound wisdom (and don't bring up Madonna because she sucks).

Dearly beloved...blah, blah, blah...GO CRAZY!

I've been to Belgium and beyond their beer, who cares about anything else...I kid, I kid. I actually enjoyed my short stay in Belgium quite a bit and the people were awesome. HOWEVER, I still don't think I need to give a crap about a Tintin and why are two of the most powerful and successful people in Hollywood working on this flick?

It's almost maddening!

Couple this with uninteresting trailers, ad's, and posters. My bitterness wins out.

That was before I saw the latest trailer:

Um, is it me or could there be a good movie here?

Almost instantly, nostalgia has set in and I'm catching whiff's of Raiders. Could it be? Will Tintin actually be GOOD? There's a sense of fun and adventure here that's been sorely lacking from many a Spielberg foray as of late. I've seen too many trailers to try and put a number down even as a pseudo-reference. Some have made the movie looked better than it is while some have made the movie look like crap when it's really awesome. I'm pretty good at judging a movie based off of a trailer. Yet, this is one of those rare times where the trailer has gotten me genuinely excited about something I wasn't even remotely interested in.

Then I read JoBlo's review:

Tintin Review


Annnnnnnnd now I think I'm sold.

The review solidifies my thoughts on an Indy comparison by saying that this movie almost should have been Indy IV and that Spielberg doesn't shy away from the homage with the score and visuals.

So I'm on board. I'm gonna go check out the Adventures of Tintin.

Never say I can't change my mind or admit when I might've been wrong!

Christmas Time: College Humor's Contribution!

Here's a video I think we can all relate to...or at least mostly relate to. Or at least mostly, partially relate to.

There's something there, that's all I'm sayin'!







I especially love the Die Hard reference...Christmas movie FTW!

Everything we ever need to say about the Black Eyed Peas?

'Nuff said.

The Muppets review

I am an unabashed Muppets fan. I've mentioned my love before and I've been eagerly waiting for this new movie to come out since I first saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall and heard rumors that Jason Segal was in talks to make another Muppet movie. Even then you could see Segal's passion and the potential awesomeness of this project. This was a man who clearly had a fondness for the Muppets. Took a little while, but the proof is in the pudding...or on the screen?

We have not been let down, people.

The Muppets is a blast of carefree innocence, love, happiness and most of all, nostalgia. It's a touching, fun, feel-good flick that brings back some old friends that we never should have grown out of touch with. It's actually hit on in the movie that the Muppets have been left behind or forgotten. And there are questions as to whether they can bring back the magic. Can they all reunite and do it all over again? There's an almost heartbreaking song within the film that is all about this. Which makes the movie somewhat meta because we are all wondering the same thing probably even before going into the theater. 

Well the answer is yes, the Muppets still got it.

If I had to sum up the moral/plot of the story it could be as simple as saying that this movie and even the Muppets themselves are up against a wall of cynicism and negativity, which they blast apart with wrecking ball made of positivity and comedy.

It's very refreshing and FUN (I'm going to repeat this at least once).

The musical numbers are excellent and are almost always touching and surprisingly sentimental even when they're funny or just plain FUN (see what I did there?). There's even a fantastic number about being comfortable in your own skin and loving who you are no matter what you are with ideals hinting at dreams of doing anything you want to do or being anything you want to be. It's good, old-fashioned stuff that speaks to all of us no matter how jaded we've become. We've been missing this whether we realized it or not. 

And as you'd expect, there are a ton of celebrity cameos. But lest you think that takes away from Kermit and the gang, think again. The focus is entirely front and center on the Muppets. Even the new Muppet, Walter doesn't hinder our old friends. I have to applaud Segal for this. It would've been all too easy for him to take time away from Kermit, Piggy, and Gonzo and overuse Walter's character or even his own and Amy Adams'. It'd be easy to let your ego go out of control here. But he doesn't let this happen, and his clear love and respect for the characters outshines anything he wants to do other than make a great Muppet movie...which this truly is. 

I'd prefer not to go too much into the story because it's not really all that important. The gist is that the Muppets have gone their separate ways but in order to keep their old home, the Muppet Studios from being torn down, they have to get back together and raise ten million dollars. See? The plot doesn't matter, what matters is that the Muppets get back together, music and the funny ensues.

The movie revels in glee, joy, and our fondness for old things that can be new once again. It's a revelation and just a lot of FUN. 

What else do you need to know? Go see the Muppets, and bring the kids! The next generation's gotta keep this rolling, right? Plus, it's good for them!


9 / 10

Way to go Jim!

And by Jim, I mean Jim from the Office, otherwise known as John Krasinski.

I'm a huge fan of the Office and it's mostly due to the character of Jim. But I've been wanting to see Krasinski do more because I think he's immensely talented and has been floundering as of late. Blame it on whatever reason you want, Jim has been sidelined on the Office for the last couple seasons. I don't want to get to much into that because I think it's all bullshit no matter how you cut it. Jim and Pam are awesome and should be a focus of the show at all times regardless of how "over" them you are or not. Never cut the driving force of a show. Period.

Regardless, Krasinski has had some opportunities to move beyond the show and do some more work via movies and such. Some he's taken and some he hasn't. The only movie he took that I think bears any weight is a small movie called Away We Go that is completely brilliant, sentimental, and heartwarming. It's the only movie choice he's made thus far that I agree with. It's a great movie.

The less said about the other movies he's been in the better. Suffice it to say he's almost always taking on bit parts in movies that just aren't up to snuff.

The Captain America role is what sparks this article for me.

At one point Krasinski was up for Cap. It's unclear exactly what happened, but he was noted as a sure thing from inside sources. We know he was absolutely on the short list that Marvel had for who they wanted. There were rumors that he was in negotiations and that it was basically his deal to lose.

Many at first balked at Jim from the Office as Captain America...I wasn't one of them. This is EXACTLY the kind of role I wanted him to take. Something outside of his comfort zone but yet something that he could actually do...with a little help from some weight training of course. Don't get me wrong, I loved Captain America as a movie and I think Chris Evans did a FANTASTIC job. But I also think Krasinski could have done something special too.

Did we ever think Michael Keaton could be a good Batman? Or that Robin Williams could be Peter Pan? Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man? Krasinski would've been an inspired choice. Someone that didn't immediately fit the bill but could actually pull it off.

My whole point with this is that Krasinski could and should be getting more work!

I was actually going to write an article about this subject and my disappoint with John when I happened to watch the Muppets tonight (more on that later) and lo and behold! A new trailer for a new movie with John Krasinski!

WOW...

Now this looks great and more like it, Mr. Krasinski!

I expect you all to go and show your support for Jim and check this movie out when it hits. That is all.

Your Rocky Zen moment of the day:

 

 

 

 

One of my favorite film series, needs no introduction. 

Every once in a while, we need a motivational boost.

Here's yours! 

HEARTS ON FIRE!!!

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Review

Before I start off this review I have to get some things off my unshaved chest.

I have read the entire Twilight series. Yes, I can admit this. I probably would have gotten around to it eventually, but I had at least one very influential person that insisted I read them. I won't get into a huge book review, but overall I enjoyed them as a bit of guilty pleasure. The main problem I have with them is that the series is too long with too much filler and that the if the story wasn't so spread out it would've made an excellent two book series or just one really long, but actually pretty great book. Whole plot points and characters are just completely unnecessary (I'm looking at you Jacob). But I digress.

Yet, you have to give it to Stephanie Meyers for creating the most LETHAL Vampire in literature history. The only thing that comes close is Vampires, Inc. from John Steakley.

Also, I've been very conflicted over the entire film set. They are sort of jarring because they have been made by four different director's who all have very different styles and clashing methods. So while I hated New Moon as a book, I actually thought it was the most enjoyable movie thus far. How does that happen? Meanwhile, the original is a terrible movie while the book ain't that bad. This is just a broad sweeping example. 

Breaking Dawn was my favorite of the book series. It's probably the only one in the series I'll re-read and it's clearly the meat of the story with everything else being the potatoes. So I've actually been looking forward to the movie(s).

With all of this being said, I can't say that I'm the best person to judge this latest movie. Because at best, I have a faulty, passing interest in the series. It's a flawed book series as well as a flawed film series to say the least.

Okay, now that we're done with that, on to the review!

Breaking Dawn Part 1 is probably the best of the movies. However, it's not without it's fatal flaws. The first of which is glaring to me. Bill Condon is an Oscar-winning director. Here he is clearly phoning it in. There is no evidence on the screen that a capable director was behind the camera. I think it's obvious this was a paycheck deal which we all sort of expected, but still. If you want to take a paycheck, cool...but do your job. I feel like this wasn't done in Condon's case, maybe things will be better in Part 2...I doubt it.

At this point it seems redundant and mundane to go into a plot synopsis. But briefly, Bella marries Edward, they have a sexy honeymoon and Bella discovers she's pregnant. The conflict of the story lies in not knowing what's growing in her womb and with the Cullens having varying notions of what to do (because this is pretty much a historic unknown in the Vampire world) and having to confront the Wolf pack that resides in the area who are also conflicted with what to do with a possible Vampire child.

Something to look forward to.

Most of the flaws in this movie are nit-picky.

Stephanie Meyers cameo...nuff said. 

Too much sex. I know plenty of women who actually wanted MORE sex in both the novel and film version. But with a series that has been so intertwined with teenage girls, I would have a problem with more sex let alone the amount of time that is focused on the sex that Edward and Bella are and ARE NOT having. It just seems so superficial. Heh, but then this is Twilight we're talking about...superficiality is a specialty. 

The scene where the Wolves debate is absolutely ridiculous. I remember reading that scene and thinking about how much of a bitch it would be to shoot it. So to everyone's credit, they tried. They fucked it up, but they tried. I think the problem lies with the Wolves thinking (talking) like humans and therefore acting like humans even though they are wolves and that doesn't really jive in my brain. A wolf shouldn't be looking and acting like a human even if it IS CGI. I don't know, maybe I'll get used to it. Probably would've been smarter to have the whole scene done with the Wolf pack in their human forms. 

The climatic battle at the end is shot in darkness in the woods. This was not a brilliant decision, it's hard to see. But again, I'm nitpicking.

Bella's look by the end of the movie is too severe...and I heard about this beforehand, but as I was watching I realized why they took it so far. She has to look amazingly GORGEOUS within ten minutes and all the while during Part 2, so they took her far down the ugly path in order to make it very easy to maker her look phenomenal as a Vampire. So while I still think they went a tad too far, I get why they did it. Why they almost HAD to do it. And don't get me wrong, she should look bad...just no that bad. She's got a possible monster baby in her belly that's KILLING her. So there's that.

Ultimately the one scene I can't shrug off with any kind of valid explanation is the birthing scene. When I read this part in the book I was mesmerized and gave Stephanie Meyer's SO much credit because it is the bloodiest and goriest scene I have ever read in any book genre ever. And I've read a lot of books. I remember thinking that if they didn't get this right in the movie I would be pissed.

Guess what?

They failed.

Say what you want, the scene is blurry, disjointed, unimaginative, and uninformative. This to me is another prime example of how Condon was just going by the numbers. It could have been done so much better.

But I guess that's the overall swan song of these movies. Sure, they'll do, but you can't argue that they're good when they take the few great moments of the books and completely butcher them.

Another very talked about problem that I'd rather call a plot point is the scene where Jacob "imprints" on the new baby Cullen, Renesmee. You know what I have to say about this?

Grow up. That's all, folks. 

Meanwhile, credit where credit is due. I've been a vocal hater of Robert Pattinson's portrayal of Edward since day one. Mostly this is because I LOVE book Edward. He's the only character I could relate to and the main reason I finished the series, wanting to know what happened to him and his family. Pattinson's version of Edward is all brooding and dark smoldering looks.

This is not Edward. Here's his description off of Wikipedia:

Edward is described in the book as being charming, polite, determined, and very stubborn. He is very protective over Bella and puts her safety, humanity and welfare before anything else. He often over-analyzes situations and has a tendency to overreact, especially in situations where Bella's safety is at risk. He retains some outdated speech from his human life in the early 20th century.

YEAH, that's not Edward in the movies. Sure, some of it is. But in the books, Edward is CHARMING and has a sense of humor. Not in the movies.

However, in Breaking Dawn Part 1, Pattinson finally does something more with Edward beyond talking softly and looking through his eyebrows. So I have to applaud this.

Review wise, we're in a tough spot. The movie is NOT whole. Twilight seems to love to be spread out. One movie would've been enough for this book. It would've had to been a solid 2.5 hours, but it could've been done. So instead we're left with half the story, much of which is filler. It's hard to review a movie that's been split up without seeing the final piece.

Since I have to I will ultimately say that this movie will only appeal to you if you've seen the previous flicks and maybe even have read the books. If you've done some of that you'll dig it. If not, you'll be lost and this is clearly not a movie for you. There's no secret as to why these movies appeal so much to women everywhere. It's sort of a modern day fairy tale. Sure it has horror elements, but even then these classic horror mainstay's have been tweaked so much (partially in order to do something new with the genre, so again, Meyers must be acknowledged) that they're more of a fantasy take on something that used to be terrifying. But this is the story of a clumsy, almost self-loathing, very self-aware girl who meets the man of her dreams who is beautiful, rich, powerful, and can give her immortality. Through her entering his world she transforms into a stronger, more capable woman. Peek behind the curtain and you can see similarities between Twilight and Beauty and the Beast, or even Cinderella and many others. Meyers tapped into something that's been around for a while, she just dressed it up. Much like many others have, George Lucas springs immediately to mind. So while Twilight can be called fluff and vain, there's definitely something there. You gotta respect that. As a geek, I have to.

Girls, continue geeking out please!


7 / 10

Christmas Time: Star Wars gifts!

Ever since I can remember I've equated Christmas with Star Wars. No way, right? Well once I realized how true this really was about myself, it threw me off a bit. So I started tracing back through the years, trying to figure out how and why this happened. I mean, I love Star Wars, but do I love it THAT much?


First and foremost I remember one year in particular that I played Super Empire Strikes Back on the Super Nintendo for like hours on end for days on end during one Christmas season. All the while I had one of Amy Grant's Christmas CD's (my mom's, FYI) or Garth Brook's Greatest Hits on in the background while I played. This is also why I equate Garth Brooks with Christmas as well. I count that as a win too!

I loved the Hell out of this game. It was so much fun. Hard, but fun. It makes sense, the best Star Wars movie makes the best Star Wars game (of the time). Very fond memories here. So I think this is a major reason as to why Star Wars and Christmas can hold hands in the pictures of my book.

But I think the major plot point here is that I always got cool Star Wars Christmas presents!

Lightsabers? You betcha.

Figures and toy vehicles? Of course.

New boxed sets on VHS or DVD? Without a doubt.

Maybe it's the color of the lightsabers? Green, blue, and red? Maybe?

I THINK SO!

The odd thing here is that it just makes sense. Christmas and Star Wars...how doesn't that go together like peanut butter and jelly? Here's where I think my sense of reality has been ultimately warped and while it may be completely natural for me, it probably isn't for everyone else. Eh, whatever. Everyone should enjoy the Christmas season however they like!

This got me thinking though that there might be some people out there that you know that love Star Wars, so here are some gift ideas for you.You're welcome.

The Making of the Empire Strikes Back



Amazon lists this at $53.55. That's a great price for a PHENOMENAL book. I bought this for myself last year as a Christmas present (yep) and have cherished it ever since. It's a totally immersed, detail-ridden expose' on the making one of the best movies ever made. The information and history included in this book is truly amazing and extremely informative. ANY Star Wars fan would be thrilled to own and read this.

Force FX Lightsaber



These babies vary in price, but are usually around a hundred bucks. Some have detachable blades which is very cool. But effectively these are high-end lightsaber toys and the closest thing to the real thing. I own one myself and it's badass. I bought mine years and years ago and they've only gotten cooler since then. Star Wars geek's can be diverse and everyone has favorite characters and indeed, favorite lightsabers for their own various reasons. I put Luke's from ROTJ (Return of the Jedi) down because it's a classic and my personal fave.

 Jedi or Sith Bathrobes



Geeky, yes, but positively epic. Who doesn't like bathrobes? Star Wars? Exactly. Again, these range in prices, I've seen some as low as 50-70 dollars, but Amazon has got them at around $79. I have yet to indulge myself with this gift, but this is something I would definitely love for Christmas.

 The Jedi Path



My mom got this for me last year without me even having to tell her that I wanted it (that's how awesome she is). It's effing amazing. It's written almost like a Jedi manual or diary that has been passed on through the years to various Jedi and it covers everything from manipulation of the force to lightsaber combat. There are notes scribbled in the pages from various Jedi that have owned the book while mysterious pages have been ripped out and certain passages highlighted or crossed out. There are knickknacks cluttered within the pages as you go along, and the book itself is stored in a really cool shell that opens automatically with the push of a button. This is a must have for any serious Star Wars fan. Plus, they have the Sith version which just came out as well: Book of Sith




Now just as an FYI, what do we really NOT want to get a Star Wars fan this year?

I've covered before why I will not buy Star Wars on Blu-ray. So I won't go into another rant. It really comes down to the reality that I won't buy another Star Wars movie package until the theatrical releases are included. The fact is these movies have been more manipulated that Michael Jackson's face (before he died)...too soon? With each new release, Lucas tweaks the movies even more and his tweaks are far more damaging than helpful. So no thanks. All Star Wars fans should be boycotting this Blu-ray release.



So I hope this was helpful, informative, and fun for you. Mostly I hope this inspires you to buy something cool for your Star Wars geek, whoever they may be!

In the meantime:

Pennies are the worst!

I've been saying it for years...pennies are pointless and worthless.

The following video really says it all...and more than even I knew.

And now I've gone from mildly annoyed for many years with the penny to FURIOUS. There are people that are supposed to be looking out for our best interests. The economy is floundering and the penny costs more to make than it's worth!?

ARGH!

Rant: Kardashians

Every once in a while I might rant.

More so than usual...I know, I know, I'm splitting hairs here. But it's my site and I'll cry if I want to.

Here's the deal: I don't watch reality TV and I rarely listen to the radio (just plug in my iPod FTW), but the last few weeks I've been letting my radio get some play. And it seems like I can't flick on a station without some idiot DJ talking about or referring to something going on with Kim Kardashian or her idiot sisters/family.

If it weren't for the idiotic things the media likes to talk about I would have no effin' clue who or what a Kardashian was. But thanks to this funny world we live in, I know...even though I don't make it a point to know or watch anything related to these obnoxious asshats.


My point here is WHY DO I KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE OR WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES!? I shouldn't. I HATE that I even know their names. They're famous because they're rich.

That's not a good enough reason for someone to be famous or for anyone to give two shit's about their lives. But thanks to the media I know more about Kim Kardashian going through some sort of divorce from some marriage that everyone thinks was a sham and now she doesn't want kids because her sister(s) are having kids.

Why do I know this crap? And trust me, I immediately change the station/channel when this kind of nonsense comes up.

Life is short, I believe in living it to the fullest as much as possible. I don't have time (literally, because we're all dying after all) to hear this stuff. Not when I could be hearing about something important happening in the world that will actually have an impact on me. Or make me laugh, or give me information so that I can help do something about a problem (even if it just means I donate some money to a worthy cause). With all the great TV shows on the air, or even great oldies that you can get on DVD why would you waste your viewing time on garbage? Watch something that could expand your horizons. Something that could entertain while make you a more knowledgeable person. Maybe a show that could push you into changing and evolving, something that would enrich your life. Because that's it for me...I'm all about time spent on enriching my life. Who has time for anything less? What's the point behind anything less? You think I've watched Battlestar: Galactica five times through because it was simply entertaining or because I didn't have to think? Think again. Hell, pop in a DVD and spend some time with a beloved movie. Even THAT'S better than anything Kardashian. These people don't deserve your time! Read a book. Play a video game. Call up an old friend. All of these things equal time well spent.

At any given moment there are literally a thousand other stories that should be talked about. It infuriates me to no end that I even know these people EXIST!

I shouldn't even know their names. I don't want to know their names. 

People, we are better than this.