RIP Michael Clarke Duncan

Friday, August 24, 2012

MY personal X-Men Team




I have warned you in the past about how geeky I can get but I don't think I've ever gotten as geeky on the Cave as I will today.

The X-Men are hands down my favorite comic-book team of all time. Their story and their countless comic book series would probably be my numero uno if it weren't for my great love, the Batman. So I decided instead of giving them second place in terms of comic book love I gave them first place in my heart for TEAM.

Because there are all sorts of teams: Fantastic Four, the Avengers, the Justice League, Teen Titans, Generation X, New Mutants, X-Factor, Heroes for Hire, Young Justice, Birds of Prey, X-Force, etc.

But personally? The X-Men have always been that sort of perfection that can't be forced when you try to put ANY type of team together. The sort of awe-inspiring wonder behind ultimate and terrible (yet truly wonderful) power and sheer chemistry and charisma.

The Fantastic Four have always sort of been the go-to team for the nuclear family unit - or at least, Marvel's version of it. Yet I always felt like they were the Brady Bunch. Unrealistic, unmoving and uninteresting.




I'm very spoiled because I grew up in a wonderful, fully-functional family. But even then, we had our arguments and disagreements. I realized pretty quickly that my family was Hollywood's version of the Brady Bunch or Growing Pains, or Home Improvement (insert your familial-generational sitcom). But the X-Men always came off like the real deal to me. There were times when characters HATED each other and damn near killed each other but they always came together to deal with the major problem. True, if it wasn't for the powers they possessed, life and death wouldn't be an issue for the team, but it was, due in large part to the heightened sense of drama within their lives.

Because the X-Men don't only work as a metaphorical family. The X-Men have always been a commentary on minorities. They are the outcast, the few, the socially unacceptable that choose to be positive rather than negative. They use their powers to protect those who hate and fear them. It's an allegory for being black, or gay, or different in any way that's socially and supposedly unacceptable. While this could be looked at as preaching, I've almost never felt that it was heavy-handed (with the exception of a few writers - I'm looking at the asshat Grant Morrison right now). The reality is that all of this world and character building serves to make the idea that the X-Men are a family unit and a team all that more stronger.

Over the years, I have made extremely fond memories of everything X-Men. If it wasn't the comics and the 90's cartoon, it was the arcade game that everyone remembers, or the action figures (that I still have), and the forays into cinema for both good and BAD.

So it is now, with this knowledge that I have given you that I present the definitive X-Men TEAM...were I allowed to play the Prof.

The only caveat is that most X-Men teams over the decades have been made up of about 5-7 members in any one given team (over the years there's been X-Factor / X-Men, Gold team / Blue team, Wolverine's X-Men / Cyclops' X-Men, etc. and on and on).






7. Bishop


This guy is a total powerhouse. Hailing from the future, Bishop comes from a violent world where he acted as a sort of police officer (or X-Man) going after Mutants that abused their powers. Bishop is one tough dude. He will more than likely follow orders to the letter, only bucking the system when it is truly wrong. He loves his multiple sidearms probably just as much as his powers and his combat experience helps loads in tactical situations. Speaking of powers, this dude can take a hit. Energy absorption and manipulation. Anything thrown at him can be thrown right back as powerful energy blasts...and yes, he can stock up. Bishop's power and his experience make him one of my point men.






6. Banshee


Banshee may not look like much but this is an Irish bad-ass. He's an ex-interpol agent with the ability to blast soundwaves at ultra-sonic frequencies enabling him to do everything from create mini-tornado's to allowing him to fly which ALL equals to: you're blasted to Hell. This is another guy with paramilitary training and leadership expertise. He's versatile, smart, and can follow orders. Sean Cassidy is also tough and resourceful, not to mention he's a flyer - VERY important for a team. You'll notice I have two flyer's with one acting as a sub-flier (member 4).







5. Colossus


You're going to notice a trend on my X-Men team, and that will be lack of physical fighters. I'm all about energy projection and keeping the enemy away and at bay. Yet, in every fight there will be the need for drop-down, fist-to-fist action. Colossus is the strongest there is. And he's resilient. It takes bucko power to pierce that organic metal flesh of his. Not to mention he's on par with the Russian from Rocky IV in terms of sheer intimidation and straight-forwardness. When Piotr is coming at you, best get out of his way.






4. Nightcrawler


Kurt Wagner is charming, dashing, heroic, intelligent, sensitive and funny. He also looks like a demon who has a prehensile tail with expert swordsman capabilities as well as the oh-so-subtle ability to teleport over vast distances. He's also got a thing about God and religion. Nightcrawler would be the team's moral compass with the ability to strike hard and fast with total surprise. You'll notice I've split my team up between defense and offense. Bishop, Banshee, and Colossus very much serve as shields, the final three act as swords with Nightcrawler somewhere in the middle mostly to cause chaos. But he's also not down for anything less than bravery and righting wrong's. Which makes him an important member.






3. Phoenix aka Jean Grey


Out of all the team slots this is the one I struggled with the most, to include Jean or not to include Jean. Sure she's a POWERFUL psionic, but she's also sometimes unstable and can clash with my last two members. For a while, I was certain I was going to put Jubilee in this spot because she has the potential to be an extremely powerful mutant...however, Jean is ALREADY an extremely powerful mutant and at her worst, she is hard to control, at her best (which is most of the time) she is always considered to be the heart and soul of the X-Men. And let us not forget she is a telepath and telekinetic which means that she can read the enemy's mind while throwing his army across two states. She's my last flyer and I definitely needed another. Plus, she's a hot redhead and I have a weakness for them girls.






2. Wolverine


Does the guy need an introduction? Yes, I would argue he does. Wolverine is not the mamby-pamby, babysitter, whiny-bitch that you know him as from the horrible Fox movies. Wolverine is an absolute badass. Picture Dirty Harry as a 5'3" hairy dude with an indestructible skeleton and claws to go with a healing factor that makes him so old he remembers being a Samarai in Japan. This guy can and will do some damage. He is the wildcard of any team you put him on. He follows his own code and does what he thinks is right at any given moment. He's tougher than nails and while the healing factor may give him an edge, he's still the first to put himself in such bodily harm as to be psychologically traumatic. Fiercely loyal, he's proven himself time and time again as the man you want to have with you when you're backed into a corner. He'll follow a strong command but wither when you're weak. Some would say I covered the physical attack aspect of my team with Colossus, but this just isn't so. Wolverine is willing to do things that Mr. Rasputin would never even nightmare about. He's also capable of stealth and can push himself harder and faster than most ever could. Not to mention, Logan is my ace in the hole. If ever there were a time to put him on a suicide mission and/or a last stand, he would follow through and then some. If things got truly disastrous and I needed a second-in-command, he's just the kind of temporary combat leader the team would need to get them out of Hell.






 1. Cyclops


Yes, it's my favorite X-Man. And the true team leader. In fact, I've written up all of my team's profiles through the eyes of one Scott Summers. He's taken a lot of flack over the years for being uninteresting and irrelevant but here's why the hater's are wrong:

This is a dude that has the spatial awareness of Captain America. Meaning while Cap is throwing his shield left and right and making predictions on where it will go - Cyclops is doing a similar thing with his extremely powerful ruby beam. He has a high martial-arts proficiency on the level that he can go hand to hand with Wolverine. He's smart and highly capable, having been the X-Men field leader since he was 17. Over the years, his tactical experience simply cannot be matched. He has a natural psionic block which allows most psychics little access into his head. Because he was married to Jean Grey he can at least exert some control and interest over her (granted this really only works for the specifics of my team, but it works in years past as well). Not to mention he's also dated the White Queen, another powerful psychic.

In a rare de-powered moment - still on top of things.


Now let's talk about those red blasts of his.

Cyclops' optic blasts are concussive in nature and have no recoil. Meaning this guy can literally punch through mountains while standing still. And that's just the beginning. Most believe that Cyclops has only lightly tapped the beginning of his power. He is so controlled and structured and so afraid of hurting those he does not wish to that he has set certain mental blocks and limits on his own abilities thus creating a distance between what he does and what he could really frakking do. Yet, mess with the man and well...




ZARKT!!!

And I said GODDAMN.

He's led the X-Men against Magneto, the American Government, the Avengers, Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, Onslaught, Sentinels, the Mutant Liberation Front, Omega Red, Bastion, the Sh'iar Empire, and many, many more.

Respected by his teammates and feared by his foes.

With Bishop, Banshee and Colossus leading a foray while Jean Grey and Wolverine tear in decisively within the battle and Nightcrawler pokes in and out, who ELSE would you want to lead the ultimate X-Men team?

I know some of your are thinking about Iceman, Storm and Beast...well, here's why they didn't make the cut:



Storm:


She's too easily taken down by claustrophobia and never seems to let loose with her powers. She could be the best of the best but always seems to hold back. That's probably her writer's faults, but still. She's just always underpowered when she shouldn't be and that speaks to character.






Beast:


I'm a HUGE fan of Beast. He's extremely intelligent but with ferocious strength and animal-like abilities. I totally get that, being a big hairy dude. Yet, I feel like I've got his powers MORE than covered with Wolverine and his intellect almost covered with Cyclops. While I love him, I feel like he's just not the best of the best.





Iceman:


This one is simple. Yes, Iceman is an Omega-level Mutant. But the jackass takes nothing seriously and I simply don't like him. For all the good his power is I think most people realized the POTENTIAL he had for like 30 years before he did. It took a psychic like Emma Frost taking over his body, liquefying it and rebuilding it into ice in the late 90's for the douchebag to figure out there was more to him than just lame one-liner's and throwing snowballs. Sorry, bro, too little too late, go surf so more ice-slides.




Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Turbo: Help Me Qui-Gon Jinn. You're My Only Hope! Again!



I'm far from perfect. I can admit that. I've broken some rules. I've broken some laws. I've seen bootlegged movies. But if I never had, then I wouldn't have discovered the brilliance that was Taken.

Taken came to British theaters many months before the U.S. had even heard of it. I had been hearing great buzz about the movie from across the pond, and a friend of mine happened upon a download and I may have been in the room when he played it. Screw it, I watched it. And for my British friends, it was bloody brilliant.

It was violence where it was welcomed. Human traffickers are the lowest scum on earth, so they are always open to the most brutal display of violence inflicted on them, whenever possible. Liam Neason's former federal agent with a "certain set of skills" keeps you cheering from the first bullet to the last as he hunts down his daughter before she's lost forever. Months later I paid to see the movie in American theaters and left the theater utterly disappointed. The British got a well-paced, violent and righteous movie. We got a watered-down choppy version to suit American sensibilities.

Nail, meet thigh.

Think back, if you will, to the version you saw. There's a scene in a basment where Marko is tied to a chair. What happens next? In the American version Liam Neason attaches a car battery to the chair. In the British version he first drives two ten inch nails into the man's thighs and then attaches the car battery to those. See the difference? It seems small but these types of changes are scattered throughout the movie. But we're here to talk about the second one aren't we?

Well I'm sure he still has his skills and this time it's his ex-wife who's taken. Who cares though, right? He loves her enough to not want her dead and so he's off on another adventure to hunt down and take out the people who took his ex. I don't see her current husband making it out of this one alive. The last one had no good guys die, and we need a loss this time around for some more emotional something or other. I'll wait to hear if they had to re-edit this one for American audiences again before I decide which version to check out.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

RIP Tony Scott


Tony Scott died yesterday and it's a horrible shame.

I don't really feel a need to comment on the how's and why's...however, I've heard a rumor that he might have committed suicide owing to the possibility that he had an inoperable brain tumor. If this is true, all I can say is that the man definitely died on his own terms which says a lot about his heart...but also his balls. And that's all I'll say on the subject.

We lost a GREAT director, folks: FILMOGRAPHY

Let us pay tribute:






And of course...



The Expendables 2 review




Ah, the Expendables 2, you lovable rogue, you...

Look, it's this simple, you're either all for this movie or you are entirely against it. There's really nothing here beyond black and white. And that's okay.

Once upon a time there was an era of filmmaking when violence was celebrated. Blood was worshiped - when it was shed on screen in the gallons. Muscles were everything and the more your hero had the cooler he was. Magazines never ran out of ammo, physics was a class in High School for dorks and gunshot wounds were for pussies - or the bad guys. It was the era of the 80's. The balls to the wall spend all that you got and go for the gold era of big music, big hair, and big movies.

I count myself extremely grateful to say that I grew up in this world. It was a time when a movie like Robocop (one of the most ultra-violent films ever made) marketed toys to kids yet maintained a HARDCORE R-rating.




The blood splatter was better, more realistic, and hugely more grotesque than anything audiences have seen in an action film for decades. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, folks.

While the original Expendables left a lot to be desired, there was the formation of an idea that mattered. Beyond anything else that the first movie accomplished, it left the door open for opportunity. It started something, much like a prologue (at least in my mind). A tip of the hat to old school schlock that had limitless possibilities once you factored in how many classic heroes you could cram into however many sequels the studio was game for.

You have to celebrate the idea behind this series. Take the world's best and brightest action stars and throw them together for some mindless fun. Even if you're young enough not to have experienced some of the great Stallone or Schwarzenegger flicks you should still be able to at least appreciate what's being done here. Yeah, it's corny but that's sort of the point. This is a very much tongue-in-cheek film. It's not made to be analyzed.

Notice, I haven't spent one word trying to talk about the plot...

If you really want me to get critical, I thought the ending fight sequence between Van Damme and Stallone was too short and that the movie relied a little too much on CGI. But other than that, I was in nostalgia heaven. Or in other words, the positives far outweighed the negatives.




This movie brought a big ole' giant smile to my face and I just had a ball with it. Seeing Bruce Willis, Arnold, and Stallone firing heavy weaponry together was nothing short of magical. It was GREAT to see Arnold back in the game and totally putting down foes like he never left. It made me feel like a kid again and it was just sheer fun.

And goddammit, isn't that what movies are all about!?

Sure, I might be biased, but watch some of the classics first. Personally, I'm looking forward to the Expendables 3. Meanwhile, why don't you go watch Commando, Demolition Man, Last Action Hero, True Lies, Timecop, Total Recall (the original), Predator, all of the Rambo, Rocky, Terminator, and Die Hard movies...then maybe we can stand on the same footing and talk about action-flicks.


8 / 10

Monday, August 13, 2012

Get the Gringo review




Goddamn has Mel Gibson taken some flack over the last few years.

We'll get to that later...

Get the Gringo is his latest flick - a straight to DVD/Blu-Ray release, no less. I've been waiting a while for this flick having seen the trailer on Joblo.com somewhere around 9-12 months ago. Back then it was awaiting distribution. We all sort of figured it wouldn't get a theatrical release what with all the controversy surrounding the movie's leading man, producer and co-writer. Not to mention that the Beaver underperformed despite rave reviews from the critics.

Eh, regardless, the flick is out and it's damn more than watchable. It's a helluva lot of fun.

The movie starts out quick with Gibson playing a career heist-man (who's so involved with his job we never even learn his name) who literally crashes through the border into Mexico to avoid U.S. authorities only to be captured by Federales, have his money stolen from him and then taken to one of the worst shit-hole prison's ever conceived of. Once inside, Gibson has to move quickly and think even quicker to outmanuever his enemies and regain his freedom all the while trying to get back his heist money before it's gone forever. The plot get's even thicker when he meet's an innocent kid living in the prison who desperately needs his help. To tell anymore would be to give away spoilers.

Have you seen Payback?




If not, go watch that movie right now.

If you have, well you can keep reading.

In many ways, Get the Gringo is almost a pseudo-sequel to Payback. It's got a similar tone with Mel Gibson playing a similar character. The plot is just completely different with new set-ups and maybe even more of a heart. It's a great action-comedy leaning more on the action than anything else. Seriously, it's a damn shame this didn't get a theatrical release because I would've loved to see this in cinemas. Oh well, fuck Hollywood.




Which brings me to my final point.

Say what you want about the man, but career-wise, Mel Gibson is a goddamn talent. Beyond being a phenomenal actor he's a brilliant producer, writer, and director to boot. Only in such a corrupt, cynical, and hypocritical industry like Hollywood could such a man be ostracized. Think about it, this is a world that considers itself a business first and foremost. Yet they have clearly cut this man off. A man that's made some of them rich and could CONTINUE to make them rich. It's just yet another notch in the belt showing how the suit's behind the studio's are NOT good businessmen.

Personally, I love the guy. I don't give a rat's ass what he's been tricked, conned, and caught saying, he's still an amazing actor to watch and has produced some of my favorite movies. And no, I don't think he's a racist. I think he's a guy who's got some problems and has been caught on tape saying some horrible things while under the influence that he clearly didn't mean. We've all said and done things we regret when sober, but I'm willing to bet that many of you have done and said even worse when you were high/drunk. Did you mean it? Do you regret it? How would you feel if someone caught it on tape and made it public? Sorry, the guy who worked with Danny Glover for four Lethal Weapon movies is NOT racist. I'm of the opinion that Glover wouldn't work with Mel if he even THOUGHT he smelled racist.

But hey, that's just my opinion.




8 / 10

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Turbo: Unchain Django Early Please?



Quentin Tarantino is a madman. Watch an interview with him and it's like trying to keep up with a very articulate and intelligent five-year old. The man talks a mile-a-minute and no two thoughts seem to connect. But if you haven't seen a movie of his that you didn't love, then I have no respect for your opinion on movies. For me, the favorite is Jackie Brown. It took about 25 viewings to become so, but to me that's his masterpiece thus far. But I have a feeling that's about to change.

To put it bluntly, Quentin hasn't done a black-character-driven film since Jackie Brown. I feel that's actually where his comfort level is in writing. His black characters are far more entertaining and heroic than his white characters ever have been. He's said that he's always felt more in touch with black people than white people because he was raised in a predominantly black neighborhood growing up, so it's what he knows. But he hasn't written what he knows in a long time now. I loved his last movies, but I'm ready for him to bring me another black badass on the silver screen.


I have a feeling this will be an iconic image in film history.


Starring Jamie Fox as the titular chacter, this movie looks like it will do to slave owners what Inglorious Basterds did to Nazis, and that is to show absolutely zero mercy. I love seeing justice paid out, and one of the great injustice's committed on U.S. soil was slavery. Of course, the slaughter and forceful removal of Native American's would be right up there as well. The lack of women's rights might be somewhere right behind that, but we already had Kill Bill, what more do we need to say on the matter (KIDDING of course)?

Robert Rodriguez recently said that Django is Quentin's best movie to date, which is nice to hear. Of course they're best friends who created a new niche in Hollywood together, so I take it with a grain of salt, but I also don't see him being much of a bullshitter. I've read a Tarantino script and what you read is what you see. And that means vice-versa too. What you see on the screen was written first. I've heard from many sources now that this script is spectacular.

I can't wait.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I hate Channing Tatum...


Do not take the title to this post at face value.

Let me explain: I've HATED Channing Tatum for YEARS. And it's not for some stupid superficial reason like I'm jealous of his so-called good looks or extremely physically fit body.

1. I don't even think the guy is that decent of a looking man (which makes total sense because women tend to respond to a body before the face - which I would argue is opposite of how men think).

2. Almost ANYONE can have a physically fit body if they choose to. Personally, I'd rather drink a beer and eat a cheeseburger. I like to maintain, but I never want to put in that much work - and let's face it, most celebrities have dieticians and personal trainer's so it's a lot easier for them. This begs the question of who gives a shit about their body (oh wait, I know who does!)?

My point being that my hate for Tatum stemmed from his superficiality. The fact that he marketed himself with his body first and foremost over anything more in an industry that is supposed to be more artistic than anything. The idea that this guy could become famous for his fucking body and his dancing "ability" over more talented prospects is infuriating to me.

Not to mention the GIANT ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM:

The guy came off as a total fucking WIGGER.

His whole, "hey guuuuuurl" persona made me want to punch him in the face about a thousand times.

But then something shifted. The son of a bitch didn't piss me off as much as I THOUGHT he was going to when he played Duke in G.I. Joe.

Don't get me wrong, he was still the worst choice for the part - he just didn't bother me as much as I planned him to.

Then he worked with Steven Soderbergh on Haywire...OK, interesting.

Then he did 21 Jumpstreet. WOW.

And then he goes and does something like this:




And now I hate the man because I'm starting to love him.

While I don't believe I was initially wrong about his persona and the way he carried himself, he's clearly evolving. Well...good for him, but now I must kill him lest admit I could have been wrong about something...

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Batman Maybe?


While I have nothing really against most pop music, I can honestly say that I'm rarely a fan. It's just not my thing. However, I will admit that there is a catchiness to Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" which is sort of infectious. So much so that it has spawned an INSANE amount of parodies and while I haven't seen all of them, this Dark Knight Rises themed version is phenomenally hilarious.

Sung by the vocal styling's of one Robin John Blake I give you "Batman Maybe"!



A saying is ruining America?





This saying, is DESTROYING the United States.

I've been working in the customer service industry in one manner or another for over 10 years. You cannot fathom what I have learned from this. You do not want to hear about the lessons that have brutally taught me about the nature and pettiness of humanity. You do not want to know about the sad state of the common man.

You really don't.

The sad fact is that in a world where the customer has been told for generations that they are always right, they have learned that they are never wrong and have taken advantage of this to a such a degree that it is instilling a sense of entitlement, hostility, aggression, arrogance, and laziness within our society. This is an affront to decency, common sense, and indeed, our own children as well as our future as a whole.

Think about it.

Corporations and businesses have placed the power firmly in the hands of the consumer. So much in fact, that these companies are almost terrified of their own customer's. They will bend to almost any coupon. They will return almost any item. They will apologize for anything in the face of being yelled at over a dollar. They hand out refunds like they're candy. And not the expensive candy, the really cheap kind. So they easily hand out refunds and make them readily accessible is basically what we're saying here.

Why?

Well it's as I said above, most companies are scared to death of their customers. Scared that they won't return. They've bought into this notion that the customer always has to be right and therefore they must bend to everything and anything the customer wants or asks for in order to insure repeated business.

This is a flawed view of the relationship between consumers and the markets they frequent. It has been my observation that when it comes to relative ease and people, comfortability always wins out. Meaning that people will always go to a place to get what they want and/or need as long as it is close while staying relatively accessible and competitive.

No matter how many beef's someone has had with Wal-Mart, they're still going to go there if it's down just a few miles away and keeps lowering prices. No matter what they might say.

I've literally heard multiple people say they will never come to a restaurant again only to come a week or two later. People are creatures of habit and while they may love something 10 miles away, they'll go to the place they like because it's right around the corner - regardless of how they claim they've been treated or how many bad experiences they say they've had. 




We've established the problem. Companies are building their business model on a flawed way to interact with society.

How does this effect society?

Ultimately it's very simple. It's giving power to the powerless. And what happens with power? It corrupts. So when you give the High School educated mother of four the power to belittle her waiter and complain about something in order to get it taken off the check, you shouldn't be surprised when she abuses this power. She'll yell while her kids run around the table and spill drinks. She'll get a refund and maybe a gift card so her family will come back while the manager apologizes for something that isn't their fault.

Basically we're enabling people to act like complete asses while in their own mind they deem themselves as Royalty and get to treat people like slaves. Folks, there was a reason the Colonies broke off from Britain.

No one likes the Royals.

In a prolonged format, think about the damage that this kind of mind-trip or power-trip can and will do to the world. The whole saying has built up the destruction of respect amongst our fellow humans. We can treat people like garbage and still get a full refund. This cannot be a good thing.

This continues the notion that money is the end-all-be-all and the driving force behind our lives. We should not care about love, harmony, happiness, gratitude, and manners when we have to worry about using the five dollar-off coupon that expired ten days ago. If we have to be horrible to another human being in order to ensure our savings of a few bucks, we should! We'll feel good about it later because we got the best of them and that nameless corporation!

The harm behind this sentiment is not fiction and not bias. It's real. We sacrifice honor and value for saving a quick buck and then pat ourselves on the back because the customer is always right.

When you analyze this, you'll see it's a truly horrifying notion.

We're also training constant critic's. If someone's always right, whenever are they wrong? In this ever-growing, on-line, mass-communicative and constantly updated world we are living in everyone seems to believe that their opinion matters. Or at least more so than it ever did before. In this, they are not always wrong. But when it comes to the minutiae of going out to eat and critiquing a waiter's performance via Yelp, one must ask, who the Hell are you?

You might have years of experience eating in restaurants (sad by itself), but what do you know of actually working in them and dealing with a waiter's workload? Oh but would the waiter love to come in to your place of work and critique your job.

Too many people value what they consider to be a good tip (usually under the necessary requirements that define a good tip) by the value of so-called service that they get. Again, my mind turns to the thoughts of Royalty and the air of entitlement. There is a certain notion here that cannot be ignored.

It's like a King demanding of his slave, do well or feel the whip. Give me service or no tip.

It's detestable and pathetic.

Humanity is better than this.

We can be better than this. At least, I'd like to hope so. It's the eternal dilemma, really. Choose to do what is right or what is easy. Aren't we all taught at a very young age not to give in to temptation? To be virtuous and good? Are we not told moral lessons and taught the stories of heroes come and gone in order to teach us about strength and hospitality? Goodness and kindness?

Don't be petty, snide, and most importantly, cheap. Life is too short to be any one of those things, least of all cheap.

Sure it's easy to be overcome by power, but isn't easier to treat people nicely?




Friday, August 3, 2012

Two very different Batman-centric videos...


This first video is quite possibly the funniest Batman sequence I've ever watched. Sure, over at College Humor they're doing some great Batman comedic-stuff but this one takes the cake. I was laughing so hard my roommate was worried!




The next video is the first trailer for the animated Dark Knight Returns adaptation. I posted before on the awesomeness of this endeavor and while I found Peter Weller's Batman voice to be a bit underwhelming, it looks pretty darn great - and extremely faithful to the comic. Check it out!



Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Bigfoot exists!


Ever since I was a little kid I've had an interest (obsession) with the unknown. The paranormal, supernatural, and occult. I've chased ghosts and even lived in a haunted house. I've studied everything from UFO's to Chupacabras. I have a wealth of knowledge on all manners of cryptids from Vampires and Werewolves to the Mothman and the Loch Ness Monster. Indeed, I'm a practical reference book on characters you haven't even heard about, like Spring-Heeled Jack for example.

Out of all the craziness I just name dropped (like a BOSS) there are varying levels of believability and historical accounts to either debunk or prove individual cases of sightings and encounters.

It's very easy to say that Vampires don't exist based on the world we live in today. However, if one looks throughout the pages of history, we begin to find that almost every society, even on different continents when communication was not feasible (or existent) have some type of Vampire myth. For me, that's interesting. It doesn't outright prove anything, but it begs questions to be asked. Werewolves are like this as well. As are sea, river, and lake monsters. For centuries, scientists said the Giant Squid did not exist. Detailed drawings showing Giant Squid attacking ships were bawked at by the scientific community. But not anymore:



Published in 1884




BOOM!


The same situation occurs with Bigfoot phenomena. Throughout time, through different cultures and different continents, the unknown ape in the forest story can be seen everywhere. Even today. The Yeti of  the Himalayas. The Yowi of Australia. The Maricoxi of South America. The Yeren of China. The Wendigo or Sasquatch of Canada. And indeed, in the U.S. we have the at least two different versions/species, the Skunk Ape of the South and the Bigfoot of the North (which goes by everything from Grassman to Sasquatch).

Oh and by the way, this is just scratching the surface. There are many more countries and regions with different unidentified ape-like creatures that even go by different names and/or look different than the ones I've already listed.

With all that said there is at least ONE species of ape that was once deemed myth that I forgot to mention.

Gorillas.

That's right. There was a time not so long ago when Gorillas were actually considered to be mythological creatures. And even now we're just recently starting to realize that their might actually be TWO species of Gorilla within the small region of Africa that they habituate. But for centuries, explorers and natives alike would tell stories of dark fur-covered men that lived in the jungle while the scientific community simply laughed. It wasn't until 1902 that anyone started taking it seriously. And even then it would still be decades before we'd even really start to understand and document these amazing creatures.

This to me is a blaring example of history repeating itself.

Personally, I believe that most of the apes already listed above probably exist in some fashion. There's just too many historical sightings to discount them entirely. However, I'm going to limit myself to focusing mainly on the classic Bigfoot of North America that seems to make it's home in the Pacific Northwest. Because if the accounts are accurate, there are at least two separate species of unknown apes living in the U.S. alone. The Skunkape being the second (kind of like a larger Chimpanzee that makes it's home in the Everglades). But for now, we'll just center on the original, Bigfoot.

When we look at just this one case, what do we have? Well for one we have ancient historical accounts from various Native American tribes (including but not limited to the Lakota, Inuit, Eskimo, Hopi, and Iroquois). Sightings are even added by frontiersmen making the journey to the West. We have an established record of continuous sightings throughout history. For me, as previously mentioned, that's just about enough to believe.

But what else?

Well we have pictures and videos. Most aren't conclusive but some are truly intriguing. The validity of some are hotly debated even today. Meaning, some of the photo's and videos haven't been completely ruled out!

There are the hundreds if not thousands of footprints that have either been seen, photographed or had castings made out of. Sure, some of these could and probably are hoaxes (the same can be said of the photo's and videos of Bigfoot), but not all. Think about it. They just cannot all be fake. There are some that even scientists have looked at and said they can't explain them. Meaning, they appear real but don't want to say that on the record. 

In a few instances we've taken hair and DNA samples from areas of known sightings. In at least one case, the DNA of a hair strand couldn't be identified, but all signs pointed to the hair coming from some sort of primate. Let that sink in.

We also have evidence in many cases of tool use. There are countless stories of rocks being thrown in the woods. Well besides humans, nothing we know of that lives in the woods is capable of throwing rocks. Usually strange grunts and calls are heard when this happens. Very similar to how Gorilla's will make their presence known if you encroach on their territory.

So why can't we find them? That's your question right? If they're out there, why haven't we set-up shop right in their camp and proven they exist? It's a valid question, but it's easily explained.

For one, no one has launched the kind of expedition that would be needed to prove Bigfoot exists. You've seen documentaries I'm sure and shows covering Bigfoot enthusiasts enter the woods looking for the animals. And that's the problem. They only ever enter the woods. They stay close to trails, heavy human population and they don't go deep enough to where these animals likely live.

Most people tend to think that the world is small, but next time you fly over the U.S. take a look out the window...there's a lot of land out there. The forests of the Pacific Northwest are HUGE. If these animals exist they probably migrate somewhat which would make them even harder to find. They probably always stay close to water, and away from human presence when possible. After all, the old idiom that they're more afraid of us than we are of them would be absolutely true in this case. The fact that no case of a Bigfoot ever attacking a human speaks volumes. They are most likely herbivores.

The main problem would be isolating the area they frequent, especially if they migrate at all. Which I have a gut feeling they do. For example, take a look at this map showing the distribution of the two Gorilla species found in Africa:



The smaller the area the harder to isolate. 


There's a lot of forest out there to hide in.



The truth is that there is something out there. There is just simply too many stories, legends, encounters and sightings to discount them all.

Once you accept that Gorillas were once thought to be myths as well you can start opening your mind to the very real possibility that Bigfoot isn't some sort of fantastic creature with amazing powers of deception and subterfuge but an animal that is waiting to be discovered and studied. These are probably incredibly rare and highly intelligent mammals that we could learn so much from. I find it hilarious that someone would discount the possibility that a yet undiscovered ape population exists in North America or many other places for that matter. We think we know so much in our bright shiny cities and forget that there is a larger world out there just beyond the trees full of shadows waiting to be explored.

We seem to think that Africa is the only place that could have a large primate hidden within the jungle, yet I keep hearing stories from all over the world that tell me otherwise...