I was a very lucky geek because I was a child of the 80's. Soooo much great stuff was in the 80's if you were young enough to truly appreciate it. It was an era that didn't talk down to kids and gave us some pretty awesome things. From amazing cartoons like the Transformers, He-Man, Thundercats, and G.I. Joe. To totally rad shows like Saved by the Bell, ALF, and Knight Rider. It was a time when ultra-violent movies like Robocop had a toy-line and marketing geared towards kids. Hollywood boldly made movies for and about children that would never fly in today's ultra-paranoid PC climate. Movies like the Monster Squad, the Explorers, and even Goonies would not be made today in the way the were then. I look back at my childhood while thinking about the kids of today and almost feel sorry for them. Sure, it's gotten better in the last few years as we've moved away from whatever shit Digimon and fucking Pokemon were about, but if you look closely you'll see that a lot of what's cool now started in the 80's.
That's right, bitches, the kids of the 80's are the adults of today and we're bringing shit back.
While I could continue to pat my generation on the back, I'm gonna hold off because it's all besides the point. The relevance behind this is that there were so many cool toys out when I was a kid. Whether a cartoon got started from a toyline or the toys came after, EVERYTHING had toys. From Predator to M.A.S.K. Everything was a toy. Hell, I even owned some Go-Bots.
The problem with all of this is that I'm nostalgic. As I was growing up I "lost" (i.e. mom threw out) all kinds of great stuff that I wished I had held onto. As I became an adult and the internet unfolded into existence I realized that almost anything could be found and bought (thank you Ebay), so why shouldn't I still have some of these great toys from my childhood that I either lost or wanted at one time but either couldn't afford or my parents missed the boat on something?
So without further adieu, shall we geek on?
5. Robocop 7" action figure
Pretty much since the day I saw a Robocop poster I wanted a badass toy version of him. The problem with this is that while the toy industry made tons of versions of him, they were usually all shit. They were either a weird purple version of him for arctic conditions or something and/or they basically had ZERO joint articulation. For most people, the more movement you can get out of a toy, the cooler it is.
Also, a lot of times, they'd frak up his gun...not cool. Robocop's gun is one of the coolest looking guns in movie history.
So when NECA put out the above action figure who is awesomely poseable AND super affordable, I didn't hesitate buying him.
Because this is what I had to put with as a kid:
4. Optimus Prime 20th Anniversary action figure
Man oh man, when I first HEARD about this toy (a fully transformable and poseable Optimus with accessories, sounds, lights!) I knew I had to have him even though he was over a hundred bucks. Growing up I had a full armada of Transformers. I had several Optimus' over the years, and while they were cool, they were always kind of small, never transformed all that great and were not all that capable of movement when out of their vehicle modes. This Optimus was made to make up for all that came before it. And believe me, he does.
3. Voltron
To be fair, there have been tons of Voltron toys that have come out over the years. The one I remember owning as a kid was pretty cool, never had any real complaints with 'em. Only that somewhere along the way, he got thrown out. I remember the individual lions were like heavy die-cast metal. That was frickin' cool. There was just something awesome about the colorful Voltron that's hard to describe thoroughly. He's just such a cool hero/toy/robot. He epitomizes so much that was awesome about my youth. I missed having him around more than I knew because ever since I decided to get the above "adult" version (very intricate, detailed, and poseable - heads out of the gutter) of this toy I grew up with, he's stood watch on one of my bookshelves and continued to make my once shattered life without him whole once again. I joke - but it's true!
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| He breaks down into five toys, so really no matter what the cost, he's worth it! |
2. Sideshow Collectibles 1989 Batman
In all honesty, I haven't completely paid for this sumbitch just yet. But very soon, this ridiculously expensive but amazing toy will be mine.
When I was a kid the ONE toy I always wanted the damn toy companies to get right was a Batman toy. Don't get me wrong, I had dozens of different Batman toys over the years. But for whatever reason they almost always had no articulation and hardly ever looked like any Batman I'd seen in the comics, cartoons or movies.
If this sounds sort of like the Robocop issue, it's because it's a lot like the Robocop issue. For that matter, they've never put out a decent Superman action figure either. Must be an iconic hero thing.
Regardless, this Batman is everything I ever wanted in a Batman action figure. He's EXTREMELY poseable, looks so realistic it's scary, and comes with a TON of accessories.
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| This isn't even all of his gadgets. |
1. Voltron's Sword
This piece of work...
When I was a kid I prided myself (still do) on my sword mastery. I was the self-declared, "Best Swordsman in the Neighborhood". I was good, still am. It's all in the footwork. So I tended to go through plastic swords quite a bit. My brother and I even went through a phase where we took metal poles and fashioned lightsabers out of them (with duct tape and spray paint) just so we could really go to town on each other.
When all is said and done, I think I had my dad buy me two or three of these bastards along the way because I would eventually break them...but I LOVED them even though they weren't easy to come by. This sword was just a piece of my childhood that represented so much. Plus it was an original, interesting and vicious looking badass sword.
I wanted it back.
But if they were rare back in the 80's they are all but extinct now. I spent a good ten years scouring the internet off and on, looking for this bad boy. When I finally found someone selling the one above on Ebay, you bet your ass I was going to win that auction. Cost me 60 bucks but it was worth every penny. You can't even find a picture of these things online...I had to snap that myself just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
In the end, having this sword back in my possession is an awesome thing. It's like I was able to capture a little piece of something I thought was gone forever. Something elusive and intangible became something real. This sword, and indeed, most of the pieces in this article represent an almost authoritative reclamation of all that was good and fun in my youth.
They are physical reminders that while the past was great, the present and future can be even better.
Geeky as all Hell? You bet...but what's the point in living if you can't geek out about stuff?
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