Musical people you should listen to!

I prefer not to think of myself as narcissistic, egotistical or arrogant (even though I know plenty of people who would disagree with me) but instead, maybe a little too self-aware. I think I'm pretty laid back and try to go with the flow as much as possible. Sure there are some things that drive me up the wall, but generally speaking I try to maintain my calm, happy-joy-joy, and more such Demolition Man-speak. I strive to be an honest, open-book that what you see is what you get. Real and mostly drama free. Selfless and deep. I hate shallowness. Non-snobby.

Oh, wait...that's right...I'm a total fucking snob when it comes to MY music.

I know, I know...it is ABSOLUTELY cliche' to say that you love all kinds of music. But I really mean it. I got everything from Garth Brooks to Frank Sinatra. The Gin Blossoms to Van Halen. Pearl Jam to Elvis. Will Smith to Sublime. John Williams to James Horner (geek reference, FTW). Seriously, I love all kinds of music. Except rap which can go to Hell in a handbasket, yeah I said it.

My iTunes stands at over 4000 songs right now. That's right, I'm gloating.

Boom bitches.

Now what to do with all my musical knowledge except share it with the needy, the less fortunate, the hapless drones circling the global net like yourselves! OK, maybe your not a drone...but I'm trying to enrich your life here so get with the program.

Right off the bat the first person that comes to mind is Schuyler Fisk. She's been in a couple movies and has a famous mom (Carrie) but none of that should concern you too much unless you get horribly fixated on her and start stalking her...then we have problems.

But seriously, this girl is truly talented. Folksy and artsy yes, but don't let that stand against her. She's awesome. Check her out:

 She's also cute as all hell which is awesome:

CUTE!

Next on my pretentious list is gonna have to be the Civil Wars. You MAY have already heard of them, but who cares? If I get one more person interested in them I count that as a win. Again, VERY folksy.

I see a theme forming...

Theme or no theme, the Civil Wars are amazing and have a pretty unique vocal range. Their most famous song is actually one of my least favorite on their album, but it's still good. Which says a lot, I think.

See what I mean? Awesome. Buy their album. Very good stuff.

Finally, (yes this too like all things will end) I'ma go off in a different direction right hur.

Scars on 45 is possibly the best band I've heard in years. I know that says a lot, but I'm sayin' it. There are just some bands that are so good you only hear the song once or twice but it connects and hits so deeply that it's already a part of you and know it...WELL. Other than Dishwalla, this is the only band I've come into contact with that has profoundly interested me beyond words and descriptions. And they only have like four or five songs you can get through iTunes!!! If that's not an accomplishment, I don't know what is. Gotta give a head's up to my buddy Broc (my music muse and broham who always has his ear to the grindstone) for letting me know about these guys and gal in the first place.

I hope you see what I mean!

Well that's it for now, but more will surely come!

Fresh Prince

I definitely did not set out to make this a Will Smith-centric night, but denying the way of things is like denying that Optimus Prime is AWESOME.

If the last Will Smith video left you a bit a cold (not I says the brown cow), this one will warm your heart, enjoy and reminisce!

CollegeHumor’s Favorite Funny Videos

Reasons why: Stupidity!

In case you were wondering, NO, you will not be getting reviews for Battleship and Men in Black III.

I can justify this while holding onto complete artistic integrity by stating that this site is NOT just a movie review site, therefore, I have no need to review every single shitpile that comes our way. This site is not beholden to the laws of a site that only covers movie news. The Batcave is deeper than that, stretching into the abyss below where lurks the darkest of foul creatures who stalk amongst the haunting quiet and a blackness that can only be compared to Deep SPACE!!!

I took that too far.

The Batcave is more than just a movie news site. I actually pride it on being much, much more than about the reviews I post. Sure, I cover movies AND movie news, but there's more than meets the eye here.

So no, I will not be posting reviews to Battleship and/or Men in Black III. Mainly because I won't be watching them.

Battleship is a movie based on a board game without a story behind it. I love playing Battleship, but I must have forgot the part where there are characters and aliens running around? Peter Berg was the guy hired to direct it, and while he's a great director (the Kingdom is a phenomenal movie), everything I've seen from the trailers tells me this is a stupid, stupid movie. I don't mind a bit of idiocy, but when you start insulting me, that's where I draw the line. I believe people should be above this sort of stupidity. Maybe that's an old fashioned notion, but hey, it's how I feel. We keep letting Hollywood sell us movies like this, how far are we from Idiocracy's movie of the year:

Gotta love the angry Carl's Jr. star...If you haven't seen Idiocracy, rectify that now.

Also, Liam Neeson FORGOT he was in Battleship.

As for Men in Black III, well it's this simple folks:

THEY STARTED SHOOTING THE MOVIE WITHOUT A SCRIPT.

That's endgame for me in terms of deciding if I'm seeing something or not. I gotta REALLY love the material to throw this fact out of my way. And while I LIKED the first movie, they dropped the ball on the second...I'm an extremely unforgiving man, and they don't get a second chance with me on this.

Not to mention, this is a TIME TRAVEL movie! Notoriously more complicated storylines are involved when penning these kinds of scripts. But hey, throw Big Willie in front of the camera and it'll make boatloads!!!

Well, I'm happy to report that both of these movies have MASSIVELY underperformed at the Box Office. This is excellent because it sends a clear message to Hollywood. Dumb, special effects movies do NOT equal success. Nor do so-called "big-names". The hand book they keep using is outdated and needed to be thrown out thirty years ago, and yet, they keep making the same goddamn mistakes. This is clearly an industry that has a problem evolving. Most of that lies in the fact that their horribly run businesses that should be art houses are being passed down to generation upon generation of imbecile with no talent for art OR business while the actual money-making talent lies continually wasted.

Sure! Of course a slightly dumb, special effects driven movie CAN be good and successful, but there's usually a damn good story behind the stupidity and even then the lack of intelligence isn't all that blindingly stark.

Battleship and Men in Black III are a waste of effort, money, and time.

Time - mostly yours. Tell me I'm wrong.

Go see Avengers again.

A well deserved slap

I don't usually post this sort of thing because I don't really give a shit about celebrity stuff and avoid potential acts that could be construed as controversial - mostly because I just don't care.

But here is a celebrity behaving just as I would, and it's kind of awesome.

CollegeHumor’s Favorite Funny Videos

Will Smith has kind of been pissing me off lately, what with his choice of projects, the Scientology thing, and constantly shoving his annoying, untalented children down my throat.

But this makes me happy. It's hard to put it into words, but it just feels like this makes him more of a regular guy (as he's supposed to be). This act brings him back to Earth and makes me feel that all the hoopla is exactly that...just hoopla.

Whatever, either way, you gotta love his bodyguard's look at the dude as they walk away. You know he's thinking, 'that's right, bitch, you got handled and I didn't have to lift a finger.'

How being cheap ruins it for other people...

This is gonna be short and sweet. For one thing, I have another larger article to write after this one, but also, I'm very tired after my 9 hour shift as well as I have some more beer work to accomplish!

Many times I have people coming up to the bar and asking for simple soda's, water's, and/or tea's. Yes, if we're busy this makes me want to physically hurt them. But if they're cool and we're dead, more than likely I don't even charge them for anything (I of course make sure that their server eventually does...heh). Often times I have a couple and one of them is getting a legitimate drink while the other is getting a soda. I go back and forth sort of depending on the vibe of the person on whether I add the seemingly insignificant drink on to their tab.

But this is where things get sticky.

So today I had this guy come in and order a Midori sour for himself (lame) and a diet Coke for his wife. So I don't charge him for the Coke. They're nice, they seem like decent enough people and we're slow so whatever.

Eventually I get around to grabbing his credit card slip and I'm about to enter in the computer the tip amount when I find that the son of a bitch didn't leave me one dollar. Not even one dollar. Personally, I come from a frame of mind that you give 2 dollars per drink. Most mouthbreather's give 1. But they're cheap and most people, especially stupid people are cheap. So whatever. But here I go not charging this guy the extra like $2.60 for his wife's coke and he can't even give me a buck.

Well, never again. Now I'm going to charge everyone for everything I give them, simple as that.

And that ladies and gents is how cheap people ruin it for everyone else.

You see? Nothing about being cheap is cool.

RIP Community Part 1

You might be asking yourself why is Community dead when it just got renewed (for 13 measly episodes) next season.

You therefore might be asking yourself why this is Part 1 of a death that shouldn't exist for said reasons.

Hell, the show was renewed right!?

To answer all of your questions:

DAN HARMON WAS FIRED.

Let me explain why this is bad...and why INDEED we are in the darkest timeline.

Community was a show about characters that we could all relate to. It was an insanely self-aware show that was all about love, respect, fun, happiness, family, geekiness, paint ball, selfishness, hate, zombies, teamwork, schoolwork, pop culture, and blah, blah, blah, fucking blah...except - COOL, COOL, COOL.

The show was about everything. It was fun, funny, sarcastic, and interesting above all things. Sure it was uber-geeky but, God was it amazingly entertaining. This was the show to love, people. 

FOR EXAMPLE:

The following segment of an episode delved solely into the idea that there is a multi-verse (meaning that there are other worlds that these - I just scored ten points for a Dark Tower reference - FYI) where every decision we make can create a new world.

See? This show is GENIUS.

Sure, the following segment has subtitles, but WATCH IT!

The notion that was put forth in this episode (that was followed through with many episodes hence forth) was that there was a dark timeline, or as Abed puts it, THE DARKEST TIMELINE.

For a long time, I've felt that we have been living in the best timeline. Sure, Community has been on the ropes against Clubber Lang a few times, but we've always fought our way back.

In the last year, NBC stupidly put the show on a hiatus. Even though the show had episodes finished and committed (contractually), for some ridiculous reason (Hollywood makes tons of dumbass decisions - at one point in time, the WB had Tim Burton directing a Superman movie staring Nicolas Cage...need I say more? - NO, I really don't have to) they chose to wait to air them.

Most fans figured this was just a small (pussy ass) step towards cancellation. But then the show came back. VICTORY!!!  Community was then henceforth renewed for another season (albeit only 13 episodes - but shit, we'll take what we can get).

We rejoiced!

Yet now? Everything means nothing.

Dan Harmon has been fired from the show...HIS show.

So while I believe there is a world out there where Community thrives, there is also a world where Community was cancelled. The greatness died.



I would take that.



It's absolutely preferable to what we are now faced with.

A world of Community WITHOUT it's creator. It's a slap in the face. It's horror incarnate.

Dan Harmon WAS Community.

I have small hopes that the show could continue at least as well as it's been doing and survive a year or two...but these hopes are grim.

The reality is that NBC is trying to be diplomatic. They are trying to avoid protest and aggravation. This is their way of slowly killing Community.

I BLAME YOU WHO DID NOT WATCH!

Someday you'll reap the whirlwind.

Marry me: Erica Durance

Truth: I honestly believe Erica Durance is EASILY one of the sexiest women gracing the planet. I don't even need to see all of the women on the planet to make this statement. That's how sexy I find her!

For those who have never heard of her or don't recognize her gorgeous face, she played Lois Lane on Smallville from Season 4 to 10. I'm a massive Smallville fan and I was an almost instant fan of Durance as Lois Lane. Not only was she beautiful and fit the part perfectly but she played it so goddamn well. In fact, she just kept getting better and better as her character traversed the Smallville world from College drop-out searching for her missing cousin to intrepid reporter for the Daily Planet in Metropolis. She was spunky, smart, funny, bossy, charming, stubborn, tough, sexy, and almost always WAY over her head in whatever situation she had fallen into. But she could also be demure, sweet, graceful, and very touching. She really was Lois Lane. At least the best Lois Lane thus far.

Add to this her amazing chemistry with Tom Welling's Clark Kent and you have a recipe for success, or do TEN SEASONS of television lie?

Okay so she was only on the show for SEVEN SEASONS, but still.

Annnnd maybe the recipe isn't just for success but for TONS upon TONS of fan-made music videos featuring Lois and Clark. Seriously, I'm not kidding, it was sort of a quest to find videos that might just show a mere taste of their chemistry through their actions and witty banter rather than through a montage of images set to a Sarah McLachlan or Lifehouse song. For a second there, I didn't think I was going to be able to have anything to show for this segment of the article. Luckily my search paid off a little and I found a couple clips I like that showed why Smallville in it's later years inevitably focused more on Lois and Clark than any other aspect of the show.

Besides her phenomenal work on Smallville, Ms. Durance has kept busy with spots on other television shows and movies. It should be obvious that she's a very talented actress and has a lot to offer. I'm surprised and a bit angry that Hollywood really hasn't come knocking on her door. She definitely deserves more work and should be recognized as the lady who played Lois Lane better than some of the higher-up actresses that came before and during her tenure (I'm looking at you Kate Bosworth).

As if I didn't have enough reasons to already be in love with her, I recently found out that she grew up reading comic books and was a Superman fan as well.

Damn.

Plus she looks great in a Wonder Woman costume:

She IS already married, but I'm not intimidated by that...okay, maybe I AM a little bit, but I'm still proposing here. Because how can you take a close look at Erica Durance and not think: Why not me? Gorgeous, smart, talented, loves Superman, seriously, where has she been my whole life? Where is MY Lois Lane?

Well I'm not sure where my Lois Lane is but Erica was born and raised in Canada...so this time we won't hold that against her. Heh.

I couldn't help it, I had to post at least one of those cheesy fan-made videos. Going through so many extremely different versions of them and searching for plain-ole normal clips straight from Smallville shows just how many nuts and/or hopeless romantics out there. Just search Clois on YouTube and you'll be astounded. Who are these people? On one hand it's kinda sad, but on the other sort of gives me hope. Eh, whatever, each to their own.