Reasons why: Stupidity!

In case you were wondering, NO, you will not be getting reviews for Battleship and Men in Black III.

I can justify this while holding onto complete artistic integrity by stating that this site is NOT just a movie review site, therefore, I have no need to review every single shitpile that comes our way. This site is not beholden to the laws of a site that only covers movie news. The Batcave is deeper than that, stretching into the abyss below where lurks the darkest of foul creatures who stalk amongst the haunting quiet and a blackness that can only be compared to Deep SPACE!!!

I took that too far.

The Batcave is more than just a movie news site. I actually pride it on being much, much more than about the reviews I post. Sure, I cover movies AND movie news, but there's more than meets the eye here.

So no, I will not be posting reviews to Battleship and/or Men in Black III. Mainly because I won't be watching them.

Battleship is a movie based on a board game without a story behind it. I love playing Battleship, but I must have forgot the part where there are characters and aliens running around? Peter Berg was the guy hired to direct it, and while he's a great director (the Kingdom is a phenomenal movie), everything I've seen from the trailers tells me this is a stupid, stupid movie. I don't mind a bit of idiocy, but when you start insulting me, that's where I draw the line. I believe people should be above this sort of stupidity. Maybe that's an old fashioned notion, but hey, it's how I feel. We keep letting Hollywood sell us movies like this, how far are we from Idiocracy's movie of the year:

Gotta love the angry Carl's Jr. star...If you haven't seen Idiocracy, rectify that now.

Also, Liam Neeson FORGOT he was in Battleship.

As for Men in Black III, well it's this simple folks:

THEY STARTED SHOOTING THE MOVIE WITHOUT A SCRIPT.

That's endgame for me in terms of deciding if I'm seeing something or not. I gotta REALLY love the material to throw this fact out of my way. And while I LIKED the first movie, they dropped the ball on the second...I'm an extremely unforgiving man, and they don't get a second chance with me on this.

Not to mention, this is a TIME TRAVEL movie! Notoriously more complicated storylines are involved when penning these kinds of scripts. But hey, throw Big Willie in front of the camera and it'll make boatloads!!!

Well, I'm happy to report that both of these movies have MASSIVELY underperformed at the Box Office. This is excellent because it sends a clear message to Hollywood. Dumb, special effects movies do NOT equal success. Nor do so-called "big-names". The hand book they keep using is outdated and needed to be thrown out thirty years ago, and yet, they keep making the same goddamn mistakes. This is clearly an industry that has a problem evolving. Most of that lies in the fact that their horribly run businesses that should be art houses are being passed down to generation upon generation of imbecile with no talent for art OR business while the actual money-making talent lies continually wasted.

Sure! Of course a slightly dumb, special effects driven movie CAN be good and successful, but there's usually a damn good story behind the stupidity and even then the lack of intelligence isn't all that blindingly stark.

Battleship and Men in Black III are a waste of effort, money, and time.

Time - mostly yours. Tell me I'm wrong.

Go see Avengers again.