RIP Michael Clarke Duncan

Monday, July 9, 2012

Alton Brown = ASSHOLE





I've loved to cook since I was 9.

There are extremely fond memories bouncing around my brain that are all about learning how to make an omelette. From everything to mixing the eggs to rotating and sloshing them about (lest us not forget the all-important moment where we add cheese to the concoction).

I like to cook and I've been experimenting since my first initial contact with the adventure. Cooking just makes sense to me. It's twenty parts art and ten parts science - I find that very appealing!

As the years went on I became very interested (as most Americans) with the Food Network. It wasn't long before Alton Brown crossed my path...

All my friends talked about the guy. Family heralded the dude. I looked forward to listening to his insight and expertise. Then I watched his show:




HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

This guy couldn't get more rigid OR pretentious.

Here's the thing...people love him, I know.

Disagree, but whatever.

The main problem I have with Brown is that he constantly talks about recipes and states ingredients like a fucking BAKER masquerading as a scientist. The former he isn't and the latter he'd like you to believe that he is but this is the guy's bio:

Full of it.

Brown was a cinematographer. He didn't get into cooking until he was in his 30's. He admits he was weak at science.

Cooking is an art. And here is where we get to the heart of my problem with Brown.

This is a guy who claims to cook like a scientist - YET he was always poor at science. Regardless, cooking and science should only partially go hand and hand but he leaves no room to maneuver. He is explicit about recipes and ingredients to a FAULT. He makes no room to budge in a form that should be loose, fun, and easy going. He is so anal it's annoying and repetitive.


 


Ultimately my main problem with Brown is that he's a facade'.

He has zero artistry or talent. Sure he'll talk about ingredients that he's informed about, and he has ingredients that his handlers get for him, but he has ZERO creativity. He's not a Chef.

A great cook is not rigid but flexible. Here endeth the lesson.

3 comments:

  1. Alton Brown isn't one of my favorites either. I watch Guy Fieri. I love that guy.

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  2. What are you basing the rigidity on? I've watched Alton for years & he's never been a follow this recipe or else type of cook. His premise is to teach technique, which he does. In fact, he said that taking one of his recipes and making it your own was what he wants viewers to do!

    I've learned so many things from him & have met him many times. Just this last time he talked about how he wanted to replicate his grandmother's biscuit recipe & ended up learning there was more to it that just the ingredients!

    AB is the coolest Food Network host bar none. He knows what he's talking about unlike so many of his colleagues.

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  3. Ditto what the person above me said. Alton Brown has taught me so much, and Good Eats has made me laugh on my worst day.
    Have also met him many times, he's gracious, warm and real.
    I suppose I get he's not for everyone, but he works for me.
    Instead of criticizing, why not talk about things you've cooked?

    ReplyDelete