Ted review

Fuck you THUNDER!

You know for a guy who has totally isolated me as a viewer with Family Guy (it leans so far to the left it likes to kiss Hitler's ass), Seth MacFarlane knocked it out of the park with Ted.

If you don't know - and seriously, how do you not know - Ted is the story about a boy who wishes that his newly Christmas gifted (yeah, it's a word) teddy bear was real. The wish comes true and in full 80's nostalgia workplace Heaven, the idea is glossed over as magic is real so fucking deal with it. Gotta love it! Some thirty years later, no one cares that a magic, talking bear exists and we get to see what's happened to the little boy and the teddy bear.

For all you youngsters out there, ENJOY. Seriously, this is why growing up in the 80's was so freaking awesome. The movie constantly and consistently references 80's awesomeness (loved the Star Wars action figure present moment or all the Flash Gordon love - and let's not forget the Indy-grabs-his-fedora-sequence) as well as being an homage or a love letter to the kid's who grew up with E.T. and Teddy Ruxpin. This movie is as much a part of the zeitgeist for those who loved Goonies, Ghostbusters and the Monster Squad to those who love Anchorman, Old School, and indeed, Family Guy.

If you've never seen the Monster Squad, remedy that shit right now:

I once heard someone, somewhere talk about the idea that everything comes back. Meaning that because one generation retires and another takes control, the stuff that the previous generation loved and was interested in becomes renewed. Boy oh boy is this true. Just ask Michael Bay and Optimus Prime...

In most ways, the movie is a metaphor about growing up. You scrap everything that's fun and comical about Ted away, you get the story about a guy and his best friend that are REALLY close and just want to continue having fun and being friends. But when life get's in the way, is it time to move on or is it time to just grow up? But again, that's what makes Ted so much fun. It handles serious issues and relatable subjects with a certain amount of whimsy and fun that makes the otherwise heavy-handed moral approach easier to swallow. This is something that those 80's movies I talk about ALL do which is why Ted is such a kindred spirit.

On top of which, Ted manages to be hilarious, quotable, and so much fun. Again, their constant references to Flash Gordon and a party that takes place with the actual actor who played Flash Gordon is freaking phenomenal. At first I thought that the attention paid to a little known movie from like three decades past might isolate viewers, MacFarlane does his Family Guy magic that allows him to make fun of something whilst eliminating the need for the viewer to fully understand the joke.

That is the secret to Seth MacFarlane. He can make these crazy references and be funny to the guy who completely understand the reference to the girl who only sort of get's it (sexism not allowed here).

Not to stroke the guy off anymore than I already have, but this was his first movie. He directed it, wrote it, co-starred in it, AND produced it. For such a heavy CGI / Unbelievable premise flick for a first time tour de force artist it is AMAZING that Ted came out so good. Kudos really have to be given to the man.

And speaking of amazing talent, I love Mark Wahlberg, but lately I've felt like he's slummed it a bit. But then I went back through his resume and realized the man has never really played the same character in any of his flicks and has slowly (like a piece of Tony Stark shrapnel) become one of my favorite actors. Selected filmography:

Fear
Three Kings
The Perfect Storm
Planet of the Apes
The Italian Job
I Heart Huckabees
Four Brothers
The Departed
Shooter
The Lovely Bones
The Other Guys
The Fighter

HOLY SHIT...and that's not even the guilty pleasures like the Big Hit and Renaissance Man. Wow, the boy's done some good work. Not to mention he produced Entourage and Boardwalk Empire - two of my favorite HBO shows!

And then there's the too gorgeous for the camera Mila Kunis who is as charming and talented as she is sexy. I've seen this woman in person before I was a fan and I used to think she was just OKAY - but let me tell you folks, the CAMERA DOES NOT DO HER JUSTICE. And that's the truth. Hottest woman I've ever seen in person. But her obvious intelligence and gravity as an actress make her even more appealing and believe it or not, interesting and relatable.

Charming, cute, and sexy - the perfect woman...

The only minor complaint I can come up with for Ted is that it has a very simple problem with a very simple solution that is made complicated by the characters. Which, don't get me wrong, happens often in film, it's just slightly frustrating to go through the whole movie with this seemingly big problem. It's very easy, folks, you don't ask Ted to move out, you ask him to grow up. But I'll let you watch the movie and draw your own conclusions.



8 / 10