Raise ticket prices!

I have a few big problems with the modern movie-going experience.

Obviously there are the big ones. The familial types who think it's acceptable to bring a two-year old or newborn into ANY movie let alone PG-13 or R-rated fare. Then there are the couples who think it's okay to talk to each other throughout the film because they're on a date, so hey, it's cute or some shit. The teenagers who are obnoxious in only ways that adolescents can be obnoxious. Or the morons that check their cell phones twenty times in an hour or even dare to answer a phone call while the movie is screening. And let's be honest, I'm barely scratching the surface with these generalizations.

Within the haze of social norms and the almost physically painful assault of stupidity that comes with going to a movie with the masses there is an even worse culprit. Someone who feigns ignorance and innocence all at once. It is the movie theater's themselves.

When we look at a general movie theater experience we have to incorporate management.

The truth is that there are too many social issues to count why bad behavior in movie theater's has become the norm. From a declining middle class to a lack of manners and even a failing of the American education system, one could all draw multiple reasoning as to why rudeness and general asshat behavior is generally accepted while common decency and common sense are completely ignored. I always thought I would've been better suited to the late 19th century. If you had a problem with someone, you had a shootout in the street. Sounds good to me...less morons in the world - I'm a good shot.

Regardless, movie theater management has to take a harsh look at itself and what it's allowed. And when I say management, I'm not talking about the meager Asst. Managers and GM's that run the actual locations, I'm talking about the upper management business choices that have been made as a sacrifice to the almighty deity: the dollar sign. When typical business becomes cowing to the ever-ignorant and steadily shady consumer you look to weaken your clientele and empower people that will only abuse said power.

I've wrote before how the idea of "the customer is always right" is destroying this country, but it's never more apparent than when you dine out or go to the movies. There's big money to be had over having more guests in your establishment than less. Why not allow them to have all they want and get their way entirely? In this non-confrontational, totally PC world we live in, why not let the bad guy get away with bad behavior?

The simple truth is that movie theaters are unwilling to respond to problems within their theater's for one main reason: They believe they will make an enemy of a guest and in their mind that's equivalent to losing money (this is wrong, but that's a whole other argument - see link above). Confrontation while sometimes necessary has been deemed scary, and inappropriate by today's standards. Confronting a guest leads to hostility, hostility leads to asking for money back, which leads to loss of money, etc, etc.

Yes, there are now multiple proclaimers in front of every movie about no talking and turning off your cell phone. But these are ineffective, wasteful notions. Not only have I heard multiple people laugh at these statements and/or screen advertisement projections, BUT the movie theater companies are having to comment on a problem that they themselves let BECOME a problem.

So have fun trying to get management to kick out an unruly guest while at your favorite cinema - most likely it WON'T happen. And think about it, even if you get a manager who's down with justice and logic, who are they going to send in to get rid of your troublemaker? Some teenage usher? That'll be efficient and effective...Dream on.

Personally, I've always been a do-it-yourself kind of guy. So as I've watched my movie-going experience decline as time has gone on, I've responded appropriately. I've yelled at, made fun of, marched up on and almost fought MULTIPLE problem-makers in theaters as the years have gone by.

But don't get me wrong - I'm not gloating here. I HATE having to do this. Someday I might end up biting off more than I can chew - but I will NOT abide with bad behavior. All of me hates stupidity, most of me hates obnoxious, attention-seeking behavior but ultimately I just want to watch the movie -

I have to quickly interject here. As if it's not already known or understood, movies are sacred to me. I love going to the movies. There is an undeniable magic and prestige to the movie theater that has been appreciated and adored for years. I love it. It's like going to the museum with a curator who tells you current event stories. There's so much history, myth, and awe wrapped up into whatever be your poison up there on the screen. It can't be replaced and it can't be duplicated in your own home - as much as we would like to try. And let's also realize something major here: Would it be okay to talk or act like a general asshat during a sermon? A funeral? A wedding? Movies are no less sacred, some of them preaching the same things you'd find in any of the previous examples...not to mention, they are a billion dollar industry. EXACTLY.

- so when I say that I confront people it's not out of glory...no, it's out of a compulsion. It's out of anger. It's out of righteousness. We are there to watch a movie. We PAY to watch a movie. We do not pay to hear people talk to each other or try to crack unfunny jokes in some sort of pathetic and desperate grab for attention. We do not pay to hear babies cry or buffoon's talk on their cell phones. We do not pay to have movies explained to other people or criticized while we are watching them by morons who barely graduated High School. We PAY to watch a movie. That's it.

Yet bad behavior is continued to let pass because movie theater management is afraid of isolating customers and the good viewers are mostly too afraid of conflict to do anything other than mutter angrily. If there were higher consequences for bad behavior in a movie theater, these issues wouldn't be a problem.

So while we can blame some idiot seeking attention in a movie theater because his parents were abusive or he had no parents or therefore his standard of living was sub par - OR on everything from drugs being too accessible, to a poor education - the fact is that the movie business is LETTING bad behavior become standard behavior.

There's even been talk of allowing cell phone usage in the cinemas - I shit you NOT:


Movieline report...

An article I liked from themarysue.com


All of these points and ideas come to a head with the simple notion that struck me a couple weeks ago. I went to see a movie that had been out for a while. I went on a Tuesday. 2:00pm showing. There wasn't one or two, but THREE couples talking throughout the entire movie.

This is when it hit me:

RAISE TICKET PRICES.

It's really quite simple.

Take a general dipshit who has bred multiple times because his intellect has rendered him incapable of understanding the benefits of contraceptives (this could be due to religious beliefs but is still therefore tied to intellect). Said dipshit goes to the movies with his brood. The movie is inappropriate for his offspring, but dipshit doesn't care because he/she is SELFISH and wants to see the flick (ah, the underlying problem with today's moral compass begins to shine through) - so he/she is thus willing to let others suffer with the screams and torments of babes. Oh but wait - what is that yonder? Ticket prices have increased yet again? Too much for the family!?

GOOD.

If you have money to burn to take a date to or your family to and then act like a complete and utter fool whilst NOT paying attention to the movie, well then my friend, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY. 

I have long disbelieved in the so-called recession. It's never once touched my paycheck (if anything, I've made more money as "things have got worse") and when I see people continually going out to eat and see movies in a so-called troubling economic time, I have to question the status quo.

The sad fact is that modern day movie theater businesses are too afraid to confront their consumers on bad behavior and since most people aren't going to check their lesser components, the only solution that makes sense for all is to raise ticket prices. This way, the greedy industry is still making money with a lesser population in the seats while the people in the seats are having the experience they long for.

Sure, it's a cop-out...but it's the most realistic end to a rather complicated equation.

I would of course love to see theater management tackle the problem and INSIST that people who act poorly while watching movies are utterly THROWN out (thus making an example for future incidents - THUS eradicating the possibility of future incidents), but this remains only my dream. I would love to see theater-goer's DEMAND this sort of action and lash out at the rude, insane, annoying, and obnoxious. It would probably take the one in order to get the other, if you know what I mean. 

The sad fact is that too few people are doing it right. You've got places like Cinepolis in my hometown of San Diego County (doing the luxury movie theater-thing, i.e. too expensive for asshats), or the Alamo Drafthouse in the Southwest (famously known for kicking some dumb bitch out of their theater for using her cell phone), and the guy across the street with a better theater set-up than modern movie theater's are prepared to pay for:

But these places are few and far between. Yet they're doing exactly what I'm preaching: Charging enough to keep the morons away.

God bless them. And FUCK you America for letting bad behavior win out.