Man oh man, right off the bat there is just something about this woman's facial features that hit all the right spots for me and I find her to be EXTREMELY gorgeous. Everything else is just extra credit.
See, I'm a face man. This allows me to love all the many different types, forms, and figures that a woman's body can hold. Sure I love boobs, but they're not necessary...but it's extra credit if you got 'em. Elisha is the type of woman who could walk into a room and I'm already taken, the fact that she's got a ton going for her besides that lovely kisser is all just extra credit. The less we talk about her boobs and body the less I'll sound like a stalker, so moving on!
Then she drop kicks me in the nuts with a stellar personality and talent to boot. Goddamn it.
My first OFFICIAL introduction to Elisha (I think I might have seen her on a few episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark when I was a kid) was with the first season of 24 (I'm a massive 24 fan, btdubs). As Kim Bauer (the extremely reckless and slightly thoughtless daughter to Jack Bauer) she ran a tour de force of hotness on the show that also showed she was a good enough actress to keep around for a few seasons. Personally, I'd have liked to see her on the show more, but I feel she was written off more for the sake of Jack's character than anything else. It just didn't always make sense to have her there if she WASN'T the damsel in distress...and how many times can you realistically play up that angle?
But then came the Girl Next Door...
After watching the flick, I was quite surprised that Hollywood didn't blow down this girls door. It's rare to find an actress that is beautiful, talented, and charismatic. Elisha is all this and more...if you're reading this, gorgeous, I have not even yet begun to praise you...and if you're not reading this, Elisha's friends, tell her about this because I'm proposing here.
After the Girl Next Door, Ms. Cuthbert sort of dropped off my radar. I was slightly aware of the House of Wax movie she made with Paris FUCKING Hilton and then she was with a hockey player or something and had a couple spots on 24 as Kim Bauer once again (which I was extremely grateful for), but then nothing that I was aware of. I'm sure she kept busy, she just must have been doing stuff I wasn't aware of.
However, then came Happy Endings.
Admittedly, I only started watching Happy Endings this year in it's second season (thank you cousin, Mikey) but I will forever be indebted to the show and maybe to my cousin as well for bringing back the lovely, talented, and awesomely hilarious Elisha Cuthbert back into my life.
You see this show serves if nothing more than to showcase the comedy talents of my blushing bride to be. I always knew she was a good actress, but I didn't know she was so frakkin' funny. And not only is this show amazingly witty on it's own, but Cuthbert brings home the laughs time after time. Of course the whole cast is great, but man, it's so rare to find someone so insanely sexy to be so phenomenally funny as well.
I also gotta say that too many of the guys that Elisha finds herself with on-screen remind me of myself (totally devoid of vanity here - because that's not always a compliment unto me). So maybe she responds to a certain type of leading man when she's reading her scripts...leading men like me...studly, and sexy. One could argue that this whole time she's just been looking for ME.
Regardless, the rarity of such an uncommon beauty like Elisha is the stuff of myth and fantasy...but yet she's real. Therefore I formally ask for her hand in marriage. I await her response.
At least until the next Marry me: installment.
Also, had myself a moment like this once, we should all be so lucky:
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