Why I won't buy Star Wars on Blu-Ray:

Star Wars has been out on Blu-Ray for a couple weeks now so this might be a little late, but hey, better late than never is what I always say...actually I don't think I've ever said that (I'm usually never late).

On with the show...for those who don't know, I'm a MASSIVE Star Wars geek. However, I'm going to throw it out there that I do not acknowledge the Prequels (that is Episodes I-III, or in non-geek terms, the newest movies). They do not exist in this dojo. They are not canon. They are dead to me. Etc.

Ugh...garbage.

It took a while to come to this conclusion, but at the end of the day the reason is that they are ultimately just VERY bad movies and what is in my head is a thousand times better than what exists, therefore I rescind my invitation for them to exist in my world. I'm not going to get into the details here because that's not what this article is about. Maybe some other time...leave it, Lucas fan!

Despite my distaste for the most recent Star Wars "adventures", I would absolutely love to own the Original Trilogy (that is Episodes IV-VI, or in non-geek terms, the old ones) on Blu-Ray. However, they are not available.

WHAT!?

Only the Special Editions are available on the Blu-Ray...NOT the theatrical original releases.

Let me 'splain...no, it's too much. Let me sum up. Basically George Lucas has been modifying, changing, and altering the Original Trilogy since the mid-eighties. Some changes were small, like modifications to the opening crawl titles, or updating some of the lightsaber graphics and coloring. A lot of these changes aren't a big deal. However, starting in 1997 with the release of what Lucas calls the Special Editions, some of the changes have been big alterations that re-define characters and/or ways that the audience see's a character or feels the emotional impact of a scene.

One example would be that in the original Star Wars (A New Hope) there is the scene where Han Solo is cornered by a bounty hunter in a cantina. In the original version the bounty hunter makes it clear he's going to take Solo out if he has to. Without so much as getting up from his seat, or even pulling his blaster out in front of everybody he just blasts the guy from underneath the table. It's awesome. It's character defining and it also says a lot about Han early in the film which goes to show how much he changes by the ending.

For the Special Edition, Lucas has Greedo (the bounty hunter) shoot a split second before Han does. Using CGI, Lucas moves Han's head slightly to make it look like he's dodged the laser bolt. To this day it looks terrible and it's a perfect example of how many of the changes done to these movies aren't even remotely for the better. I won't bother speculating on why this was done because it doesn't matter (even though I know why Lucas SAYS he did it). No reasoning on Earth makes this jarring atrocity a good change, so we won't waste any time on it. My blog and I cry if I want to.

What's hard to track here is that Lucas keeps updating the movies so that the Special Editions are constantly evolving. So while the 'Greedo shoots first' change happened in 1997, the next example is a very recent change that was done in 2011 yet all versions of the Original Trilogy are now called the Special Editions. Lucas stubbornly refuses to release the theatrical versions in any updated media format other than VHS.

Everyone has probably heard the outpouring of geek rage over this and probably seen a segment on the news over it. Of course, it's the one, the only:

 

You knew it was coming. 

I know there are many of you who probably don't understand why this is such a big deal. I'm sure you were scratching your heads and collectively deciding that the news shouldn't cover something this trivial.

 Well, let me explain why this is a big deal. This is another character defining moment. Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight. He is now Darth Vader, a freak of nature and more machine than man. He's been corrupted and has turned to the dark side of the Force. He's done unspeakable things in the name of the Emperor and the Empire itself. Now he's watching as his Master is killing his son. In the original there is something magical and subtle about the way Vader keeps looking at his Luke in pain and then turning to the Emperor. You don't KNOW what he's going to do. You start wondering what he's thinking. You imagine what he's thinking.

Having him say, "No...nooooooooooooooo!" ruins the magic. Plus it kills the AWESOME music cue that hits right when he starts to pick up the Emperor.

Let's compare now with the original sequence:

 

This is why people get so mad at George Lucas. He takes something that is perfectly fine, even great and ruins it. This is why we can't have nice things, people. George Lucas. I jest.

But seriously!

Ultimately this newest change comes with a whole slew of needless, garbage-like changes that are added to the ever adapting versions known as the Special Editions. Lucas can't stop tweaking with these movies. He almost can't move on. It's very sad.

He claims that they're his movies and he can do whatever he wants. Well here's the thing. He only directed A New Hope. The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi were directed by other (better) men. So are they really his? Not to mention, once something has been put out there is it really yours? I've always thought that when you sell something it's not yours anymore. You sell a painting you made, it's not yours anymore. You sell a novel you wrote, it's not yours anymore. You sell a movie to the world that becomes beloved by billions for generations upon generations...it's not yours anymore. It's everyone's. So I'm sorry, Mr. Lucas, this "excuse" doesn't hold water for me.

Whatever his reasons here's the irony. I was actually planning on PROBABLY buying the Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray even though I knew it was only going to be those horrible 1997 Special Editions. Greedo shooting first and all! However, I had a feeling he'd do some new tweaks...figured some would be good (updated lightsaber effects) but most would be bad...yet I didn't know they'd be as bad as they turned out to be. Because the whole Darth Vader screaming thing in ROTJ (time to learn your Star Wars geek-speak: ANH = A New Hope, ESB = the Empire Strikes Back, ROTJ = Return of the Jedi) is just the tip of the iceberg.

So that was it for me. I felt like I was pushed too far. Like a battered housewife who finally got hit one too many times. I think that says a mighty lot. I would've taken the Special Editions even though most of the changes drive me up the wall. But this was just too much. So much in fact that it has pushed me into the camp of only wanting the theatrical editions.

Meaning that even though I like some of the changes (i.e. CGI effects), I'd rather some of the effects look like the outdated sort and get what I got and fell in love with oh so long ago (we don't need to cover dates here) than more and more character defining moments being sullied by ignorance and arrogance.

I own the Original Trilogy (or OT in geek terms) on DVD. Sure it's the shitty 1997 Special Editions, but at least it's not the shittier 2011 Special Editions. And that will be good enough for the rest of my life if need be. I will not be buying the OT on any other format until I get the theatrical editions.

And neither should you.

Boom!

 

 

 

 

PS: You want to know more about why the Prequel Trilogy (PT people, get with it) sucks, I implore you to watch redlettermedia.com's in-depth Prequel Trilogy reviews. Starting with the Phantom Menace: